Someone please check on the recruiter who wrote this company’s cringe Seek job ad because this pour soul is selling that role like the goddamn rent is due.

King Kong, a digital marketing agency, advertised a role for a “Fire-Breathing Sales Warlord” to join its team in Melbourne’s CBD and what in the Dungeons and Dragons is this???

For those playing along at home, it turns out a Fire-Breathing Sales Warlord is a “motivated, competitive go-getter, who is ready to scorch the earth with their superhuman sales ability”.

So just a regular sales person but like, the geek version of yassified. Geekified?

King Kong's sales warlord ad
The sass of it all…

The ad is roughly 90 million words long and the most aggressively “I’m not like other girls” job description I’ve seen in a while. Notable lines include:

  • “Objections bounce off you like bullets to batman *pew *pew.”
  • “Because in sales, there are two groups of people: Whiners and Winners.”
  • “And now we’re on a crusade to take over the world muahahahahaha!”
  • “*wink*”
  • “Not some wishy-washy cover letter like ‘I’m 28-year-old Virgo from South Yarra – who enjoys Kayne West, Almond Latte’s and Billions’.”

All of this is, quite frankly, terrifying.

The ad is full of my corporate trigger words (“fast-paced”, “demands nothing but the very best”, “hustling”, “workload”, “super sharp”) so I respect anyone who sees this ad and goes “me”. You are frightening.

A part of me is impressed at the sheer audacity of it all. The rest of me wonders how these job ads keep evolving to be even more like *gestures vaguely* this.

Since when did we start hating clear, direct, no BS job ads that say exactly what they do on the tin?  This intensity is giving me heart palpitations.

The whole thing is a journey. But wait — is that a $200,000 salary?

… Anyway, did I mention how much I love sales???