A 3-Tonne Cluster Of Unflushable Shit Formed In Mackay & Engineers Blame TP Panic Buying

Cool, now we’ve really done it. A gigantic, steaming fatberg made of wet wipes, old clothing and, presumably, human shit, has been removed from the sewer pipes of Mackay.

Authorities point the finger at toilet paper panic buying. Back in February and March when there was no toilet paper on the shelves, the people of Mackay apparently wiped their arses with whatever else they could get their hands on.

“The use of alternatives to toilet paper is definitely a factor in what we’ve seen,” senior network engineer Keith Hyatt told ABC News.

“The wet wipe flushables are a marketing term — they do not break down. They stay in the same shape and have the potential to cause blockages and overflows.”

The Mackay Regional Council uploaded footage of the operation to Facebook, and it must be asked: Where’s the vom react, Zucc?

It took two operations and a crane, hydraulic grapple and vacuum tanker to remove the fatberg, which weighed three tonnes.

Engineers also found a bunch of other unnerving stuff lodged in the fatberg, including syringes, baby bottles and even a colostomy bag.

In the last 12 months, Mackay has spent around $250,000 to remove 620 blockages from its sewerage system.

Now that toilet paper’s became a hot commodity, fatbergs have started to appear more frequently all over Australia, including in South Australia, Tasmania and elsewhere in Queensland.

Hopefully now that TP is back on the shelves, people will be able to flush without causing ungodly sewerage tumors.

Regardless, it’s always good to remember to only flush the three Ps: piss, poo and (toilet) paper.