We’re here! We’re finally at the Farmer Wants A Wife finale. So sit down, make yourself a margarita and let’s get recapping, baby. Yee-fucking-haw.
If you still don’t know who the heck any of these people are, all you’re just here for the finale tea and haven’t been following the whole season, you can quickly learn everything you need to know about the cast here.
Okay so tonight is the final real episode. Sure, tomorrow night we see the reunion, but tonight is the real creme de la creme of the season.
But before the farmers make their picks, they all visit the girls’ home towns to get a feel for what they’re really like.
We kick it off with Neil and Justine at her home on the Sunshine Coast. Although I don’t totally love him, he really hit it off with her kids and to be honest, I stan them now. Maybe they’re not forever soulmates but it definitely feels like ~something~.
But oh my god, Justine said he can’t just expect he to pack up and move to the farm. And sure, I love a woman who isn’t gonna throw her life away for a man but like isn’t that sort of the premise of the whole show? I’m CONFUSED.
Neil has really pissed me off this season but the further we get towards the end, the more I realise he’s probably just a big dumb idiot. I think he’s here for the right reasons and genuinely cares for the girls but just went about it the wrong way because, you know, men are dumb and are bumbling buffoons most of the time. Sorry, but y’all know it’s true.
On a lighter note, Harry is on his way to meet Madison’s family.
At this point, I love her and I will sob like a baby if she doesn’t win. I just want to pause for a second and say how proud I am of how much she’s grown this season. Like sure, maybe I’m not the recapper who tears shreds off every contestant but like I am just SO stoked to have watched her become more comfortable in herself and strong throughout the season. Even if she doesn’t win, I feel like this was really good for her own emotional growth and Mads, if you’re reading this: Good! For! You! Girl!
But also I am low key a huge Harry fan now. I’m not sure how he went from my least favourite farmer to the one I started rooting for but he just seems so normal.
Whether he picks Mads or Stacey, I just really want him to be happy. He’s been so mature and really took this whole thing seriously and I hope whoever he chooses is ~the one~.
Next up, Harry visits Stacey and holy shit guys…
SHE’S A HORSE GIRL.
STOP.
I HATE IT.
I cannot stand horse girls. I just get bad vibes and maybe it’s because a girl I went to school with once bit my hair while pretending she was an equestrian horse but I just DO NOT TRUST THEM.
And funnily enough, it turns out Harry hates them too.
Also, can we take a moment to appreciate that Stacey can just casually STAND on a living, breathing horse??? SKILLS.
The visit was super normal and good and I’ve decided that I think Stacey is actually really lovely but she was probably just super insecure in the show and it came across as bitchiness when actually she was just a girl who had feelings. I’m still team Mads but if Stacey wins I will be happy for her. She seems genuine.
Neil also had a date with Karissa but it was uneventful and I didn’t write any notes for it so we’re just going to skip past it.
Aaaaand now it’s time for him to choose a girl.
Obviously, he chooses Justine but he got really upset about it and you can tell that he is a genuinely good guy and was clearly here for the right reasons.
Despite getting her heart broken, Karissa is so supportive of Justine and you truly just love to see it. The silver lining of this otherwise shit season is that all of the women have had huge emotional glow ups. We love to see this support.
10 points to Karissa for handling it like a queen.
Now, I swore I wouldn’t get emotionally attached to this show because I know reality TV isn’t real but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t SOB when Justine won his heart.
I’m not certain they’ll last forever but it seems super genuine and I’m happy for them.
Oh god, it’s finally time for Harry to make his choice and I am going to cry.
He kissed Stacey but not Madison, which immediately makes me feel like she’s won.
Yep. She won.
Madison is sad but isn’t a bitch about it. Honestly, I just want to give her a hug and tell her that she’s grown so much and she should be proud. Ugh I love her.
OH MY GOD.
IS HARRY GOING TO PROPOSE???
Fuck, it was a joke. He pulled out a rose?? Honestly, I’d dump him right there for pulling that sort of joke, wtf.
Meanwhile, Nick is preparing to meet Naomi’s friends.
At this point, we know she’s not going to win because quite frankly, she deserves better and she knows it.
“If they don’t like him, I don’t want to date him,” she says.
Her friends absolutely grill him and can straight up see through his bullshit.
I’m sorry Nick but how do you plan on making her happy when you genuinely can’t think of a single example of how to do that?
Her best friend is not taking any prisoners and roasts him on not choosing her for the final date. You truly hate to see it.
Naomi is SO strong and I just love her so much.
Down in Geelong, Alex meets Jess’ family and it’s adorable. We already know they’re going to end up together so I’m just going to skip past this because it’s happy and drama free. TL;DR: they’re adorable and happy and will probably have little farm babies in a year.
Finally, Nick meets Liz’s friends and immediately seems threatened that they’re a bunch of dudes.
He’s super smug about it and asks if she’s dated any of them which is kinda disrespectful and rude, in my opinion. As somebody with a bunch of male friends, I’d be pretty uncomfortable if the man who’s been dating me and literally three other women had the *audacity* to ask my friends if any of them have dated me. Like seriously, read the room, Nick.
Finally, it’s time for him to choose.
Liz gives a little speech about how she’s not sophisticated or cool like Naomi and good god, it finally makes sense. I think she just wants love so badly that she will settle for less than she deserves and it makes me so sad.
Obviously, he rejects Naomi, but thankfully she kinda grills him for how he’s treated her.
“It’s tricky, right?! Who would’ve thought?!” she says when he acts like he had no idea dating four women wouldn’t be a walk in the park.
She admits she’s hurt but let’s be real, she’s a strong ass woman who will move on and thrive on her own.
He tells Liz she’s the one and she seems really happy. I know I’m not a fan of Nick but I hope for Liz’s sake that this relationship makes her happy and works out.
And finally, Alex meets Henrietta’s bestie in what looks like Caesar’s Fucking Palace.
They have a brief interaction before Henrietta pulls him aside for a chat.
Holy shit, what is happening???
Oh my god, is she? She is! She’s dumping him!
OH MY GOD.
She truly just walked out.
I am SHOOK.
He’s clearly shocked but like, we all know his heart is with Jess. Fuck, even Henrietta bloody saw it. Go live your happily ever after and let Henrietta live hers.
It’s super unclear if Henrietta will actually return to give Alex a chance to reject her but to be honest, I hope she doesn’t.
Alex isn’t being a dick or anything but why would she go back when she’s smart enough to know that she’s not the one? I sure wouldn’t.
Anyways, tune back in tomorrow night to see which of these couples actually lasted and which ones soured faster than the grapes on Harry’s farm. Oh, and to find out what the heck happens with Alex and Henrietta.
