Everyone’s Dangerously Obsessed With This Video Of Fish Getting Yeeted Through A Tube

By

Brad Esposito

Published

Over the weekend, coming out of a Epstein-conspiracy haze and the usual flood of extremely damaging online content, the world zeroed in on another viral phenomenon that can be explained but will forever be embedded into the recesses of your mind: Fish Tube.

What’s Fish Tube? It’s called the Whooshh Fish Transport System and yes, it is very real. Look at this Futurama-ass transportation system.

The system of tubes offers a cheap solution to a serious problem facing the tens of thousands of dams around the United States. Ideally, dams would be built to include things called “fish ladders”, which is like a set of stairs that fish can use to move from downstream of the dam to the pool of water above it. The problem is that not many of these dams actually have that solution. If you’ve ever seen a dam, you’ve probably seen a fish ladder without realising what it was.

Salmon in particular love to migrate, jumping upstream and flying in the air, much to the delight of wildlife photographers and bears everywhere.

A report from Popular Mechanics in 2014 has a breakdown of the logistics behind the Fish Tube. Reaching speeds of up to 30 feet per second and able to launch a fish 100 vertical feet into the air (because why not), fish are driven by a small blower and multiple small fans, pushing them through the tubes.

Originally, the Fish Tube was created by Woooshh as an experimental tube that transported odd-shaped objects (apparently there’s quite an industry in tubes). In 2009, in an act that reeks of extremely High-At-Work areas, Whooshh vice president Todd Deligan and CEO Vince Bryan III had a “moment of entrepreneurial inspiration” and decided to try flinging a fish through the tube. The end result was a fish rapidly going from one end of the room to the other, and an entirely new revolution in the moving-things-through-tubes world was ushered in.

The video went viral this weekend after it was uploaded by American media company Cheddar, who have made quite the viral business built on the back of viral videos that just sort of… cover the weird shit you’d see in the inflight magazine when flying domestic in the United States. So far, the video has more than 11.5 million views.

Of course, everyone took the Fish Tube very well.

https://twitter.com/OrangePaulp/status/1160546460859019266

https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/1160642708609699840

https://twitter.com/ParkerMolloy/status/1160663345269284869

As yet there has been no genuine or real effort to create a human version of the Fish Tube, but I would like to go on record as being all for it.

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