A giant cargo ship, the Ever Given, has been stuck in the Suez Canal all week, causing a huge backlog for everyone else who uses the waterway and promptly replacing the Pasha Bulker as my favourite ship. But hoo boy, nothing could’ve prepared me for the fact that the Ever Given drew one of the largest dicks pic on Earth before she got stuck.
The 400-metre long ship has been grounded since approximately 6am on Tuesday after bad weather resulted in her getting a lil’ stuck.
“From the looks of it that ship is super stuck,” Instagram user Julianne Cona wrote alongside a picture of the ship.
“They had a bunch of tugs trying to pull and push it earlier but it was going nowhere. There is a little excavator trying to dig out the bow.”
But let’s be real, unless you’re a maritime nerd, you probably don’t give a shit about a big fuck off boat being stuck in the Suez. However, may I interest you in… the biggest dick pic ever drawn?
Look at her! She’s beautiful. She really is the greatest dick pic Ever Given.
If you thought the perfect dick and ass combo on the tracking map was simply too good to be true, you’d be wrong because Vice even fact-checked this, and it’s as accurate as it gets.
“There is no room for some kind of conspiracies or false data,” a spokesperson for Vessel Finder told Vice.
However, it’s worth noting that the big dick and balls isn’t the reason the ship ran aground, with disinformation researcher John Scott-Railton asserting that the artwork is “innocent, but terrible luck.”
OH NO: misfortune's unerring aim touched #EVERGIVEN's track as it departed the designated anchorage and steamed into the Canal.
— John Scott-Railton (@jsrailton) March 24, 2021
But even if this wasn’t the *reason* the ship ran aground, we can rest assured that if the Ever Given never sails the open seas again, she at least gave us a giant dick pic on her way out.
Long live the Ever Given.