Sydney’s Escaped Ape Has Had His Vasectomy, And The Federal Senate Wishes Him “Well”

It’s one of those “where were you” moments that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. It’s burned into your brain forevermore. For the rest of your life, you will recall exactly where you were, and who you were with, when news of the great Sydney Ape Escape of 2020 broke. And after a truly wild two days, it seems the saga has finally been brought to an end.

After very calmly running amok through the streets of Camperdown following what can only be described as one of the most daring prison breaks in the history of mankind, the baboon that had been earmarked for a vasectomy has successfully had the procedure done.

NSW Health Minister Brad Hazzard, rounding out one of the more unique weeks the portfolio as had as far as official statements are concerned, confirmed the gentle ape was resting comfortably after copping the snip, with his two wives providing comfort while he recovers.

Elsewhere, the Federal Senate just passed a motion formally wishing the baboons “well” on behalf of the Upper House. You truly cannot make this stuff up, I swear to god.

Pushed by NSW Greens Senator Mehreen Faruqi, the motion – which is now in Hansard as part of the grand political tapestry of the nation – formally acknowledged that “three baboons made a bid for freedom in Sydney this week,” before calling on the Government to investigate and invest in “methods and technology needed to end the use of animals for research purposes.”

What a week, my lord.

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