In theory I certainly appreciate what the common escalator does for us; lazily allowing us to thumb our noses at gravity by gently ascending with no effort at all so we can say to world “Suck me off, hombre. I’m up here now.” The reality however is that every time you ride one you’re standing on the teeth of a grumpy mechanical bitch who is waiting, begging for you to give it an excuse to chomp your ass the hell up.
Exhibit A: This utterly terrifying incident in Istanbul, Turkey which will probably have you content to remain at ground level for the rest of your life.
The incident, captured on CCTV footage, shows a man being quite literally swallowed up by an escalator gone rogue.
The lengthy-looking escalator – which exceeds how long any of the bastards should ever be by a mile, by the by – had ceased working, causing punters to innocently trundle down it like a regular staircase.
Singling out a weak straggler as easy prey, the escalator pounced on one unsuspecting bloke, opening up a hole beneath him as the stairs disappeared, causing him to fall inside the contraption before it bloody well closed up over the top of him.
No. No, no, no. No thank you. Absolutely not, no. No.
The man was reportedly stuck inside the escalator for a full hour before firefighters could rescue him, with old man being yanked out of the belly of the beast suffering only minor injuries.
Officials stated that they’d put warning signs up, but that didn’t dissuade punters from using the escalator anyway. Maybe because they half-assed the sign and asked people to not use it instead of screaming at them that it was going to eat them the fuck alive.
So yeah, who else is keen to use the regular ole’ stairs for the next few decades then?