There’s simply no getting ahead of a farting story. You cannot nip it off at the bud, or even at the butt. Once it sneaks out into the open, offending odour and all, it’s on for young and old. So it seems patently insane that a US politician who appeared to quite clearly fart like a fucking trumpet on live TV would even dream about denying such a thing. And yet, here we bloody are.
Earlier today footage emerged of Democratic Congressman Eric Swalwell appearing live on MSNBC. That footage showed Swalwell, mid-interview, mid-sentence, apparently dropping the kind of fart that could freeze time.
OMFG SOUND ON pic.twitter.com/StziH3Yh49
— Andrew Lawrence (@ndrew_lawrence) November 19, 2019
It’s an almighty fart and, given the way he pauses his cadence for the precise and exact amount of time the fart lasts, seems fairly open-and-shut that it was his ass that birthed it not only unto the room, but the very hot mic he was sporting as well.
But according to him, that is simply not the case.
Reporters for BuzzFeed in the States managed to get hold of Swalwell via text, asking him if it was indeed his ass that tooted the turdish trumpet.
NEWS: SWALWELL denies it was him who farted on MSNBC: pic.twitter.com/IYmHwYfuGf
— Addy Baird (@addysbaird) November 19, 2019
You have to say, one of the all-time great rookie errors there to deny it, fully aware that would only raise further accusations of supply.
Interestingly enough, this appears to be not the first time a mystery fart beast has plagued MSNBC. Whisper reports from the notorious Blind Gossip site in 2018 suggest the news service has been perennially haunted by an undisclosed serial farter. Haunted not at all unlike the ass of the farter themselves.
What does it all mean? Who honestly knows at this point. Is Eric Swalwell guilty of dropping the most vicious televised fart in the history of news broadcasting? Has he been royally stitched up by a phantom butt bandit torpedoing his stinky poo clouds with the precision timing of an elite sniper? Is there a third, non shit-related reason for this frankly unbelievable scene?
As with most things, the simplest solution is often the right one. And rarely has anyone who denied it ever wound up truly being innocent of supplying.
At least he’s taking it in stride.
Good to see a member of Congress just speaking the truth without partisan spin: pic.twitter.com/eSnRbnt92G
— Addy Baird (@addysue) November 19, 2019
Hell yes it was funny, my dude. Hell yes it was.