We all have that one friend, right?
The one who thinks they’re the exception to every single rule. It started on the first day of year seven when they wore their tie at half-mast even though every other 12-year-old in the grade was too scared to even scuff their perfectly polished black shoes. It was cute then. Brave, even. Bold. We loved it! But fast forward a few years, to old mate being a hero and offering everyone lifts home after sinking too many frothies at the pub, and well, it’s decidedly less cute. Some (ahem, all) may even say it’s downright repulsive.
We’re not saying they’re absolutely paralytic and getting behind the wheel — we’ll give your mate the benefit of the doubt and assume that even they’re not that dumb. But it’s a couple of cheeky after work bevs, the “oh, just one more schooner” moments, that juuuust put you over the limit that’s (newsflash) still drink driving. It’s more casual, sometimes more socially acceptable (or easier to hide from your mates), and just as dangerous as getting behind the wheel when you’re absolutely blotto.
But for you, responsible human reading this article, we know it can be hard to stand by and watch your mate be (let’s just call it what it is) a grade-A tool. For you, we’ve compiled our best tactics that you can use the next time one of your friends tries to drive home after one too many.
Tell Them They’re Being An Idiot
So simple. This one will go one of two ways: your mate will either quickly come to their senses, or they’ll ignore you and drive anyway. Regardless, it’s a solid place to start. With a bit of luck, they will agree with you, decide to split a cab home, and it’ll be a non-issue.
Hit Them With The Facts
If might be tough for them to swallow, but (metaphorically) slapping your friend with some hard facts might shock them into realising how truly idiotic it is to hop behind the wheel after a few cold ones. It’s easy to think that driving when anything less than maggoted (say, after one too many beers that put you in “I think I’m over the limit but can’t be sure” territory) is still just as dangerous. The limit exists for a reason, and your mate is still risking people’s lives if they get in the car.
Split A Cab Home
One of the more practical tips we’ll give you today: offer to split the cost of a cab or rideshare home with your mate. Maybe the thought of coughing up the dosh for an expensive ride home is out of their budget, and while we agree they should have thought of that before they started drinking, sharing the financial load may help to convince them not to hop behind the wheel.
Offer To Give Them A Lift Back To Their Car Tomorrow
We’ve all gone for a night out with the honourable plan of saying sober Sally and driving home later, only to get over-excited and hitting the bar instead, and have one too many. But we certainly haven’t all decided to hop in the car at the end of the night anyway, and drive home. Your friend may be stressed about needing their car the next day, so offering to drive them to pick it up tomorrow is, honestly, quite selfless and may help to alleviate that pressure they feel to drive home there and then.
If All Else Fails, Steal Their Keys
You’ve hit them with the facts. You’ve tried reasoning them. You’ve offered to shout them a way home! But they still won’t listen. At this point, we suggest you revert back to primary school tactics and steal their keys. They’ll thank you tomorrow, once they’ve cooled down.
