If you’ve ever dreamt of the possibility of humans actually being able to climb up walls a la Spiderman, please close your poor sweet eyes and click out of this article immediately, because we’re about to shatter your fucking dreams.
In a comprehensively disappointing paper released yesterday in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, an adult human (you) would need to plaster adhesive pads to at least 80% of your front to stick to a wall.
…And that’s just if you’d be happy to just stick there, immobile, and terribly sad.
If you look closely you can see tears in his eyes.
If you wanted to walk up the wall on your sticky feet, like a gecko… Ya’ tootsies would need to be about one metre long and 40 centimetres wide.
Co-author of the paper, Dr Chirstoffe Clemente from the University of the Sunshine Coast says “while that is good news for shoe industry, it’s not so great for Spiderman as he can’t run after villains with such big feet,” #gags.
The findings have emerged from a study looking at “sticky” animals, in hope of developing effective bio-adhesives.
Dr Clemente and his colleagues at the University of Cambridge’s Department of Zoology examined a whopping 225 species of climbing animals, ranging in size from the tinniest mites to the biggest geckos.
Unsurprisingly, they discovered that the percentage of an animal’s body surface covered by adhesive footpads increased across species as the animal’s weight increased.
“If your childhood dream is to become Spiderman, you are going to have to follow this pattern,” Dr Clemente said.
As dispiriting as this is, Dr Clementine cracked another gag to lift your spirits “Essentially from your toes to the top of your chest will have to be stick pad. This isn’t going to work, if you go to hug someone it’s going to be a real mess.”
In related news, Santa isn’t real and faith in humanity is now at a record low.
Source: ABC
