Donald Trump Has Awarded A Medal To A Photoshopped Dog Whose Name He Won’t Reveal

There is, and I cannot stress this enough, a whole hell of a lot to unpack here. You might be following along tangentially with the saga of US President Donald Trump and a photo of a dog that he simply refuses to publicly name. By itself, an insane spectacle in a grand Presidential library of insane spectacles. This morning however, Trump has apparently taken it upon himself to ramp that rather ridiculous scenario up a few notches by, for all intents and purposes, awarding the dog a medal via Photoshop.

Again, there’s a bit to unpack here, you might want to settle in.

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Just to catch you up, Trump, with the entire weight of the office he somehow occupies behind him, used his Presidential powers to declassify a picture of a dog two days ago.

That dog, in his words, did a “GREAT JOB” as part of the military unit that captured and killed ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. The name of the dog was not declassified, however, presumably because revealing the dog’s name is “Zeus” or “Odin” or “General Pats-on” or whatever would clearly compromise his on-going safety.

This morning, and again I stress this a real thing, Trump posted a subsequent shot of the dog featuring himself awarding it some sort of paw-shaped medal that even my Nan, who’s running Windows ME on an Acer laptop in 2019, would recognise as Photoshopped.

Even stranger, that post is now the Pinned Tweet at the top of his constantly-moving Twitter profile.

The original photo is from 2017, when Trump awarded a Medal of Honor to Vietnam War veteran James McLoughan, who looks like he knew even then he would one day be shunted out of his own spotlight for a dog.

That is some Inanimate Carbon Rod shit if ever I saw it.

Bafflingly enough, the dog (again, name not known) has a standing invitation to visit the White House whenever he wants.

I cannot express the amount of money I will pay to see someone feed it a secret “sit” command during the national anthem.