A blessed good morning to you all today as Facebook has decided to ban the big baby orange turd man also known as Former President Donald Trump for another solid two years. In fact, Trump’s behaviour has literally led to a revision of the penalties and regulations surrounding high-profile figures inciting civil unrest and ongoing violence. Dear Pete Evans, listen up.

In a statement shared overnight, Facebook’s Vice President of Global Affairs Nick Clegg confirmed the news, adding that Trump’s Instagram was also having its suspension continued.

“We are suspending his accounts for two years, effective from the date of the initial suspension on January 7 this year.

Facebook Bans Trump
Facebook’s new proposed penalties for public figures during times of civil unrest and ongoing violence, according to a recent press statement.

“At the end of this period, we will look to experts to assess whether the risk to public safety has receded. We will evaluate external factors, including instances of violence, restrictions on peaceful assembly, and other markers of civil unrest. If we determine that there is still a serious risk to public safety, we will extend the restriction for a set period of time and continue to re-evaluate until that risk has receded.”

Clegg added that when Trump does return to Facebook, he’ll be greeted with a stricter set of rules around influencing civil unrest. And, if Trump is to continue the behaviour that got him banned in the first place, it will trigger “a strict set of rapidly escalating sanctions… including permanent removal of his pages and accounts.”

Please, Mr Trump, I am begging you. Come back on the 7th of January 2023 and do something stupid and offensive challenge. Get permanently banned from Facebook and Instagram challenge. Stay on Parler challenge with your Proud Boy girlies and stay off the grid.

Facebook previously suspended Trump back in January after they found that his social media content heavily instigated the 2021 storming of the United States Capitol. That incident, where Trump’s supporters broke their way into a government building to demand a recount of the presidential election after Joe Biden was sworn in as President, was the tipping point of an aggressively divisive four years of Trump’s presidency.

Twitter permanently banned Donald Trump after the Capitol Riots in January. Last month, Facebook board members examined the status of his suspension and came to the conclusion that his Facebook and Instagram accounts shouldn’t be reinstated. So, excuse me while I say, fuck, it’s gonna be a great day today. For at least 581 more days, Trump can stay the fuck out of my newsfeed.