The Royal Wedding Guest List Includes Over 2000 Normies & Where’s My Invite

Hey monarchy mates, proper pals, royal friendos. I know you’ve probably got a lot on your plate right now what with organising the biggest wedding this decade’s seen or whatever, but I just wanted to ask you one little teeny tiny thing.

Where’s my invitation?

Did it get lost in the mail or somehow the Royal Air Mail dropped it out of the plane as they were zooming over the Pacific Ocean? Did you not lick the back of the stamp properly, or did you send it to my old address? Did it get sent to that house in Leichardt that my internet accidentally got hooked up to? I know the addresses are awfully similar. You see, I’m just trying to figure out how my invite got lost in the post.

It’s just that I know you’ve invited over 2000 everyday people to your big do in May, and to be honest I think it’s really rude that you’ve somehow missed me in that list. I even had a dress lined up to loan and wear and everything. I even figured out how to pack the perfect picnic for the event, and ironed my favourite park blanket.

Look, true that these lucky few are all fantastic people who actively help to make others’ lives easier and better – from Reuben from Derby, a deaf student teaching sign language to his mates at lunchtime, to Pamela from Haringey who helps people in rehabilitation for mental health issues through creative workshops like ceramics and screen printing. I get it, these people are amazing and are doing so much with their lives and in their communities.

And yes, look, it’s true that sometimes I can’t be bothered to put my clean washing away before I go to bed so I just move it all to a chair in my room (and back again the next morning), and sometimes I forget to bring the bins in, and I definitely haven’t spearheaded a life-changing charity or initiative, but I promise that I won’t get extremely lit at the reception and end up dancing on the fancy chairs.

It’s very cool and lovely that you’ve invited folks from the Manchester attack to come and be a part of your special day, though. Prioritising people of the normal world (eg. us plebs) over politicians is a nice touch. I get it – I wouldn’t want human ham sandwich Donald Trump licking his meaty lips while I smooch my way into my nuptials, either.

Anyway, while you figure out where my official RSVP got to, I’ll be waiting here in my fascinator. No rush. Only 37 days until you say “I do”.

Best,

An everyday Aussie who likes a good scone.

More Stuff From PEDESTRIAN.TV