Destroy Your Stomach At One Of ‘Straya’s 12 Best All-You-Can-Eat Buffets

If there’s one shitty thing about gettin’ wasted, other than, like, drunk texting or making the bathroom floor your bitch at 4am, it’s deciding what to devour when you wake up with a filthy hangover the next morn.

More often than not you JUST WANT ALL THE FOOD, ‘cause it’s that one day you can get all greasy/cheaty, without giving a flying fuck about your shitty life choices.

Also, you don’t want to make the wrong decision when you’re feeling real fragile as it is.

With so many hangover havens in your very own backyard, pop on your loosest eating pants and let’s get this after-party started. One dish at a time, we’ll fix those dehydrated/ashtray mouths for ‘ya. 

QUEENSLAND

Sizzler

Do we even need to remind you of your childhood? There’s not many of these bad boys still around (roughly 22 AU-wide), but THAT SALAD BAR – which is full of far more exciting combinations than the insipid Garden Salad – is a nod to nostalgia errytime.

Price: Prices vary, but you’ll prob need a $20 for a good sitting.
Location:
QLD is the one state still Sizzler-strong, but there’s a few still standing in NSW and WA too.
Find your local HERE.

100 Degree Hot Pot Buffet

See how much Chinese food you can put away for $29.80, with a two-hour time limit to allow for those potato-style intervals. It’s DIY over a little burner on your table – so could be a bit much for those who legit can’t move after a big one – but it keeps shit social so you can comfortably rehash on all those cooked things you did the night before.

Price: $29.80
Location: 561 Brunswick Street, New Farm.
More info HERE.

NEW SOUTH WALES

Churrasco

If you love a bit of fleshy meat in and around your salivating mouth, this is the place to get your medium-rare on, with finger-licking smoked and BBQ’d beef, chicken, lamb and steak. While you don’t win friends with salad, there are options for vegos too in the shape of antipastos and veggies, all dished out rodizio-style.

Price: From $44.
Location:
 NSW kindly offers three Churrascos at Woolloomooloo, Coogee and Caringbah.
Find out more about each location HERE.

Pizza Hut

Yep, it’s still a thing, although it’s something of a rarity these days – making it oh so much better to experience than its ’90s heyday. That’s why you inner-city kids are gonna want to make the trek to the burbs, if only for the freakin’ jelly cubes that come with your soft serve-style ice cream. Yeah, you remember.

Price: From $10.
Location:
NSW has six stores still hangin’ round, as well as a handful in TAS, QLD, VIC and SA.
Find the closest to you HERE.

Sydney Tower Buffet

It’s on the pricier side, but when the food coma kicks in and you’re out for the day, you won’t feel as bad if you took in some city surroundings during your feed. The 360-degree view of the city is literally perfect for people who are only visiting the CBD for the weekend, but got too rooted to do the touristy stuff. We’ve all been there. Smash it all out in one solid scoff fest and make yo’ mumma proud. Be warned, though, the slow rotation of the floor might be a bit much for your tender self.

Price:
 From $55.
Location:
100 Market St, Sydney.
All the deets you need are HERE. 

VICTORIA

Foodstar 

It’s no Smorgys, but Foodstar has been gettin’ in Melb bellies since 1995 in all its prestige-less glory. Some (aka an in-house Melbs authority here at P.TV) would say it’s “absolutely filthy” but in the best hangover-cure kind of way. Let’s not pretend we’re upper-class humans when we’re not, y’know?

Price:
 From $17.
Location: 
There are four Foodstar smorgasbords Melb-wide.
Scope out where you can get devouring – in your clothes from last night – HERE.

China Bar

It can get exy over dinner time slots but it’s #WORTHIT. All it’s visitors seem to think so at least, with the buffet winning a TripAdvisor award last year for constantly good feedback. That kind of feat’s hard, because, well, customers are pieces of shit at the best of times.

Price: From $30.
Location: 380 Burwood Hwy, Burwood East/ Shop R8/571 High Street, Epping.
Extra info HERE. 

WESTERN AUSTRALIA

Miss Maud Restaurant

If AUSTRALIA’S ONLY SWEDISH SMORGASBORD is anything like the fuck-off beautiful humans that country produces, then count us in. The CBD buffet is open for brekkys, lunches and dinners – ’cause they seem to friggin *get us* hangry youth.

Price: From $27.95.
Location:
97 Murray Street, Perth.
Opening times and more HERE 

TASMANIA

Wrest Point

Just the name of this place’ll do us – they clearly know where it’s at. Also, they’ve got soup, cold cuts, roasts, casseroles, pasta, salad, veggies and a friggin’ chocolate fondue fountain, so there’s that too.

Price: From $22.50
Location: 410 Sandy Bay Rd, Sandy Bay.
Get around the place HERE. 

SOUTH AUSTRALIA

Charlie’s Diner

Look, we don’t even care about food quality when the prices start at $13.50. That’s a special kind of fucked – espesh when we’ve have paid that much for a measly entree at other dingy establishments. There’s a “kids eat free option” so you may have to deal with that kind of nuisance, but you could also have to learn a thing or two about compromise while you’re at it. That’s the price you’ll pay, for, er, paying next to nothing for a solid feed.

Price: FROM $13.50!!!!
Location: 466 Brighton Rd, Brighton.
Dinna times HERE. 

AUSTRALIAN CAPITAL TERRITORY

Star Buffet

This place has it all – and is not a bad price considering what you get for your cash-monaay. Having hit up a NSW one myself, I can personally vouch and say that this place is fucking hangover heaven. No matter what you’re craving, this buffet has it and will please everyone in tow.

Price: From $16.
Location:
8 Kett St, Kambah
For the several additional Star Buffets in NSW, go HERE. 

NORTHERN TERRITORY


Seafood on Cullen

All-you-can-eat Seafood. That is all. It’s not open until dinner, so it’s perf for when you’re rising at an ungodly time. They describe themselves as having a “casual vibe”, so, yes, those Qantas PJs that aunt-whoever gifted you will probs suffice. Get through the doors between 5.30 -10 pm – just allow enough time for prawn peeling.

Price: $39.95.
Location: 51 Marina Blvd, Larrakeyah.
Deets HERE.

Alright, who else is crackin’ a fat over their upcoming hangover this weekend?

Our work here is done.

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