If I attempted to mask the sheer glee I’m experiencing at having yet another opportunity to write about Bigfoot, it would be an insult to both of us. I love Bigfoot. He is definitely not real but he is also, somehow, my friend. Most of the time, I only ever get to talk about Bigfoot when I’m super drunk and corner people with conversations that always start with “Yeah, but what if he was real??” Now, thanks to Republican candidate Denver Riggleman, I’ve been able to talk about it in the context of the news.

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A Rigorous Investigation Into Whether Or Not Bigfoot Fucks

Riggleman has been in the news thanks to his Democrat opponent Leslie Cockburn, who launched a line of attack against him intimating that he was the author of ‘Bigfoot erotica’.

Riggleman has vociferously denied this categorisation, clarifying that he’s just interested in Bigfoot, and does not want to fuck him.

That story didn’t seem like it would be going anywhere further but, lo and behold, erotic novelist Chuck Tingle has popped his head into the yarn with a story written improbably quickly:

As the title implies, Tingle is of the opinion that Riggleman should be judged on his ties to white supremacy, instead of his ties to sexy, sexy Bigfoot. From the synopsis on his website:

When private investigator Hartoon is hired to gather dirt on Virginia congressional hopeful, Denber Wiggleman, he knows that it’s going to be a difficult gig. After all, it’s hard to find dirt on someone who already proudly wears their hatred on their sleeve.

Hartoon thinks he’s caught his big break after following Denber out to the edge of town in the dead of night, but comes up disappointed when he realizes it’s just a rendezvous with a handsome bigfoot. There’s nothing wrong with loving bigfoot, right?

Fortunately, Hartoon soon notices that Denber’s tee shirt during this illicit encounter is sporting a message of hate and bigotry. However, when Hartoon sees the articles accompanying his photos the next day, there are only mentions of the erotic bigfoot tryst, and nothing about Denber’s hateful message.

You get the idea. By Tingle’s own description, the book is 4000 words of “sizzling human on handsome bigfoot action, including anal, blowjobs, facials, rough sex and Sasquatch love“.

That Republican ‘Bigfoot Erotica’ Guy Has Already Been Chuck Tingled

What an incredible world. The book is available here, if you’re after some light (but also hard) reading.

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Image: Chuck Tingle