In truly devastating news for fans of both breasts and hot air balloons, the iconique Skywhale developed a tear in one of her 10 titties while visiting Ballarat over the weekend.
Pour one out for Australia’s favourite whale with the big bazongas.
Skywhale’s partner, Skywhalepapa, was not harmed but sadly the duo had to be deflated before lift-off due to the hole in her hooter.
FORENSIC EXAMINER: The wounds in Skywhale appear to have been made by a… medieval mace-and-chain and a 19th century musket ball?
DETECTIVES: [turn to Kryal Castle and Sovereign Hill who are leaning against the wall whistling innocently]
— Patrick Stokes (@patstokes) July 10, 2022
Skywhale and Skywhalepapa’s mother — artist Patricia Piccinini — was in the audience when her balloon broke.
“I was in absolute shock… I just went into autopilot and said: ‘Right, what do I need to do? I need to speak to 5,000 people and tell them what happened,’” she told ABC Radio Canberra.
“A whole team gathers around her, watching as this magnificent creature succumbs to her wounds. We watch solemnly as the Skywhale breathes her last” pic.twitter.com/vGehhbbegZ
— Jonmokoko (@jonmokoko) July 11, 2022
According to Piccinini, the balloon pilot said it was particularly breezy and a strong gust of wind blew right between two of Skywhale’s breasts, leaving a metre-long tear.
The fiasco was captured on video and the footage has honestly knocked me for six.
Skywhale’s erect tail entrenched in shadows as she writhes around on the ground. The devastating shot of her on her side, with her wise, knowing eyes staring straight through your soul.
The ambient music as she slowly descends down to the ground, with her two saggy titties flapping in the wind. Her beau distraught with grief as he bounces up and down.
Melbourne needs to go to War with Ballarat to recover Skywhale’s remains and give her a dignified burial
— Lex would buy a lighthouse please (@LexPlans) July 9, 2022
And suddenly, in the immortal words of Ke$ha: “It’s going down, I’m yelling timber”. Skywhale completely deflates, with Skywhalepapa following soon after.
The silver lining is the duo are in safe hands at the National Gallery, where a committed team of conservationists are working on restoring Skywhale to her former glory.
She should be welcomed back into the sky’s bosom in September.