Have you (yes, you) ever had wild, violent dreams about living in a dilapidated den of a property with corrugated iron dangling from the ceiling, no running water, no electricity and no sewerage? Well, guess what, freak, now’s your chance to claim your dishevelled hovel.
Some trolls like to wait under bridges for billy goats to come by, while others choose to spend their days away in Victoria’s most cursed properties on the market.
But the good news is this positively unholy and near-blasphemous abode in Victoria’s northwest suburb of Minyip could be yours for a simple $50-55K. Think of the house parties you could have here. All those Saw traps you could recreate with the blindingly wealthy denizens of your city. Options, people!
For this bargain of a price you’ll get a home with two destroyed, crumbling shopfronts out the front and a lovely two-bedroom residence out the back. Yes, it hasn’t been lived in for 30 years. Yes, that statistic only counts human lives.
The ceiling? Fallen. The windows? Smashed in or boarded up. The rooms? Covered in graffiti. But hey, folks in real estate prefer to call it free wall decor, and we can learn a thing or two from their positive outlook on life.
And don’t forget, as mentioned earlier, this probably not haunted home does not come with electricity, water or sewerage. And you thought Tinder was full of fixer-uppers.
“An older lady owned it and when she passed away, her son inherited it and it’s just fallen into disrepair,” John Hadley from NorthWest Real Estate told the Daily Mail.
“It’s a huge renovation not for the faint-hearted.”
Yeah, no shit, John.
“Buying it is the cheap bit,” Hadley continued.
“At the moment tradies are so busy that if you can get one they are just about writing their own figures. The first people I showed through it were going to buy it, but reality set in and they decided it was too much work.”
If any of this has really caught your eye, either you’re exorbitantly wealthy with an ‘I can fix him’ complex, or need immediate help. But hey, I don’t judge.
There’s more dilapidated den content where all this came from too, and you can even watch a property walk-through, if you’re still, somehow, interested.