Darth Vader Wants To Be Ukraine’s Next President

It is a period of civil war general unrest. Rebel forces Ukrainian citizens striking from a hidden base somewhere in Kiev have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Russian empire. The troubled Ukraine has an upcoming presidential election in May, which will be pivotal to the development of the growing crisis with Russia over the Crimea region. The country needs a bold leader to take the reigns of an unstable time in the country’s history. And today a new candidate has emerged. A candidate with the iron will and force of mind to command the nation as one. A candidate unafraid to grab his country by the throat and choke them into subservience. And that candidate’s name is Darth Vader.

Yes, Lord Vader himself has announced his intentions to run for the presidency for the Internet Party of Ukraine, which was formally recognised as an official political party in 2010. No stranger to politics, Vader has previously run for office in the country, receiving around 3% of the vote in 2012’s parliamentary elections. Though he is yet to officially appear on the ballot for Presidency, with candidacy registration featuring a $250,000 deposit.
Still, one can only assume it’s a mere matter of time before Lord Vader sweeps to power in the country, promising to re-rout most of the nation’s budget into construction of a new, enormous, mobile military base, along with consolidating a controlling influence on all trade relationships, the removal of neutral nations on a whim, and extinguishing the rebel flame that burns deep within the hearts of the brave few rogues who yearn for a return to peace and freedom. Of course, it could all be a grand Russian ploy to reveal Vladimir Putin as the real Emperor of the Galaxy. In which case we’re probably all screwed.
Or maybe the Ukraine’s simply looking for a leader in Alderaan places.
Photo: Jordan Mansfield via Getty Images.