At long, long, long, long, long, long last, someone in the Victorian media fraternity has done the right thing and asked Premier Dan Andrews the one burning question on the lips of thirsty Victorians: Just when the absolute liver-shaking fuck can we all get back on the beers?
You might recall back in March – on March 23rd, to be exact – Andrews chastised people having massive piss-ups at their houses in the wake of pubs, bars, and clubs being closed as part of the very first wave of coronavirus lockdown restrictions.
At the time, Andrews asserted “
That line became something of a meme in the days that followed. A legitimate dance-floor filling banger of a club remix was stitched together by Mashd N Kutcher, and a mural even popped up on the side of a Moonee Ponds bottle-o.
And now, 207 days later, someone finally asked Dan Andrews just when Melburnians will indeed be able to get back on the beers.
In a rather silly moment in today’s press conference, the subject turned to the potential re-opening of hospitality businesses under the Step Three guidelines on Victoria’s Coronavirus Roadmap.
Specifically, the question was raised as to whether craft breweries that do not have kitchens or restaurants attached will be able to serve punters seated outside, even though there is no food service.
Andrews stated in response that he’d have to seek clarification on that, before noting that people do indeed like craft beer. That prompted several thumbs up from the cameraman and some of Andrews’ staff, to which the Premier confirmed that “it’s a thing.”
And at that point, after all this bloody time, someone finally summoned the moxie to ask Victorian Premier Dan Andrews if that would indeed be part of a return to getting back on the beers.
To which the Premier responded thusly:
“I didn’t stipulate which beer you would be able to get back on, and we are not yet at that point. I might have a slab or two, at that point.”
So what to take from that? Let’s break it down.
Do we have an official Get Back On The Beers date yet? No.
Are we far off that point? Hard to say.
Will there be any restrictions on the kind of beer you can get back onto once that occurs? Absolutely not.
Will Dan Andrews be pelting them down his gullet like a pelican at a trout festival on that undefined day? You fucken bet.
Hope that clears things up for now.Image: Getty Images / Quinn Rooney