In a rather strange turn of events, The Daily Telegraph has run a column from the perspective of Buddy Morrison. Yes, that is the Prime Minister’s dog. No, I’m not okay. Neither is the DT apparently.

Look, I know what a slow news day is, but I had many questions when I saw that the Daily Telegraph let Buddy the dog apparently take the reigns and write an entire column for himself.

The piece was made with intentions to very clearly take aim at a whole bunch of things that Scott Morrison is fucking up at the moment, because friends, there are many. Ultimately the whole piece is just one (adult) man’s perspective on Scott Morrison, channelled through the vessel of his dog.

For legal reasons, I will not be calling the entire idea unhinged, completely fkn weird or batshit crazy. I shall instead keep my mouth shut.

Buddy apparently spoke to Telegraph writer Matthew Benns (who one can only assume wrote the piece himself), and had quite a bit of tea to spill from inside Kirribilli House. God. I hate this.

It’s also important to add that for some reason The Daily Telegraph gave Buddy the dog an anti-vax stance? (???????) so make of that what you will.

“Look, things have been a little tense here in Kirribilli House with the lockdown and the worsening figures, I don’t mind telling you,” wrote Buddy the dog (I really, really hate this).

“Someone says they have a big important job running the country and then you are locked down with them and you realise just how much time they spend making cups of tea, playing sudoku and watching Cronulla Sharks highlights on YouTube.”

Further along in the article comes the anti-vax weirdness.

“As a dog, I am a strict anti-vaxxer myself so I was heartened to hear Scott arguing that with the tight border controls around Sydney’s lower north shore there was no rush to get me vaccinated. Apparently, he felt pretty happy leaving me needle-free until after the election.”

Friends, if you need me I am going to be screaming into the void all afternoon after seeing this. Someone please check on the Daily Telegraph staff for me.