Daily Tele Journo Wants To Cull All The Sharks; ‘Straya May Cull Her Instead

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Pedestrian TV

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Today, The Daily Telegraph journo Laura Banks wrote an article about how we should just cull those pesky sharks that keep biting people, entitled, ‘When sharks are eating people, it’s time to cull’. 

Top quotes include: 
“These surfers were doing nothing more than enjoying the beauty and tranquillity of the ocean. Why should they be punished for that?”

“Would you still be keen to cuddle up to a great white at night?”

“The ocean is our domain and sharks have no place destroying lives and livelihoods; these predators are lurking out there ready to cull humans and we as a community must find a permanent solution.”

“We won’t have to worry about sharks because there will be no one living on the coast. The shark will have won.”

“Great whites should no longer be a protective species; sharks do not treat humans as a protected species. We must legalise the killing of the sharks that kill us.”
Aussie internet is ever-so-slightly unhappy about this, and her Twitter mentions look like an absolute fucking warzone:

(Note: Twitter user @smashlifeuk, we will be adopting the term ‘fucksnot’ for future use, thank you.)

Many are completely bewildered as to whether the article is ~V SRS JERNALISM~ or satire, for obvious reasons. However, it’s just not funny enough to be satire, ja feel? It’s a real headscratcher, gang. 
We have reached out to Daily Telegraph journalist Laura Banks for comment, but we unfortunately have not yet received a response:
Look, if people like this are the serious journos, us pop culture writers can be even more childish, right? Great. POOP BUTT FUCKSNOT.

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