Please spare a thought for the very confused cows of Queensland and northern NSW who have ended up taking some accidental road trips thanks to the severe flooding across Australia’s East Coast.
I have long considered cows to be somewhere between goldfish and dogs on the animal intelligence scale.
As a result I can only imagine how baffling it is to be vibing in your paddock, chewing the cud with your best udder friends and then somehow ending up on a roof.
Exhibit A: This cow on a roof in Lismore, NSW tweeted by Nine News journo Sophie Walsh. The way the cow looks back at the camera tells a whole story by itself.
It’s less a pleading look and more of a “why the fuck am I here?” look. She clearly wants nothing more than to be returned to her safe space (grass) and retreat from the overwhelming wonders of the outside world.
This is a cow on the verge of an existential crisis. This cow is two steps away from self-actualisation.
The floods have also led to some cows taking accidental beach trips. Exhibit B: this cow stranded on the NSW/Queensland border almost 34 kilometres from home.
1 x cow standing at Point Danger on the New South Wales / Queensland border. Locals believe he has come from Murwillumbah.. a 33.9km journey. @nbnnews @9NewsGoldCoast @9NewsSyd pic.twitter.com/zN5nmWWtiw— Olivia Grace-Curran (@livgracecurran) March 1, 2022
This cow actually led me to question my original assessment of their relative intelligence.
You cannot convince me that this isn’t the Plato of cows. This is a creature that is reckoning with its existence and doesn’t know how to feel. This cow is self-aware, but at what cost?
She won’t be able to return to the farm and forget what she saw. She’s been set on a Chicken Run-esque bid for freedom and nothing can stop her now.
This picture led me to Google the question: “are cows smart?”. It turns out that yes, they are.
Cows can apparently solve puzzles. Good for them, maybe they can help with my jigsaw. They also possess “decision-making abilities” as per Animals Australia.
So the next time you and your partner can’t decide where to go for dinner, ask your local cow!
These aren’t the first cattle to take an impromptu field-trip thanks to flooding. Back in February, a New Zealand bull was swept away in severe floods.
He rocked up 80kms later, having survived a trip over a waterfall. Impressive stuff.
I’m all for the cows of the world waking up to the mortifying ordeal of consciousness. Fuck Planet of the Apes, where’s my Planet of the Cows?
Until that happens though, hopefully these newly self-aware heifers are able to return back to their homes safely or fully convert to the beach-cow lifestyle we all crave. I’m particularly worried about the one on the roof. Get her home!!