Blithering pile of musty socks Cory Bernardi is set to take his satchel full of bullshit and vamoose out of politics forever, according to emerging reports this afternoon.
The Independent senator – a title attained after the Australian Conservatives party he founded in 2017 after finding the Liberal Party wasn’t quite fucked enough was disbanded in June – will reportedly retire from politics altogether on December 5th, the last official day of sitting for Parliament in 2019.
Senator Bernardi largely served as annoying boil on the neck of Australian politics, rarely attaining any title of political note other that of Liberal Party Parliamentary Secretary, which he had to walk away from in 2012 after he tried claiming that legalising same sex marriage in Australia would subsequently open the door to a world where people could freely marry 50 people at once and fuck a horse if they wanted to.
In 2017, when he found that even the Liberal Party was sick of tolerating his self-righteous bullshit, Bernardi split from the party to form the Australian Conservatives; a party that only ever contained him, and crashed and burned after admitting it had achieved nothing and wasn’t raking in the dumbass dollars like he’d hoped.
Throughout his political career, Bernardi pushed policies and made repeated claims in public against climate change, the LGBTQIA community, Islam and Muslim people, abortion, women, the poor, the disadvantaged, and so on.
In a few short days, he will be gone from Australian political discourse. He will not be missed.
In one final act of pure political annoyance, Bernardi’s retirement will hand an extra Senate seat back to the Liberal Party. As he was elected on the Liberal ticket, his seat falls back to the party upon his exit. It’s strongly tipped the Liberal Party’s hard right faction will clamour to take control of it. Bernardi, it should be noted, almost always voted with the Government anyway, but this removes any lingering doubt and reduces the size of the crossbench.
Regardless, Cory Bernardi is leaving Australian politics. Bye, bitch.Image: Getty Images / Michael Masters