‘Condom Tester’ Among These New-Age Job Prospects For Science Grads

PEDESTRIAN.TV has partnered with Swinburne University of Technology to show those of you who ain’t loving what you’re doing that there’s plenty of other options out there. Swinburne is obsessed with outcomes – preparing you for your ideal career and giving you confidence you’re on the right path – and that’s a bandwagon you should really consider jumping on. In this article we’re highlighting some of the more lucrative job prospects available in science to serve as #CareerInspo. There are roles out there that could be more your speed than the one that currently has you banging your head against your desk. Check out Swinburne University’s website HERE and have a gander at their courses – many of them could land you a position you probably didn’t know exists, but just so happens to be right up your alley.

In an age where massive shifts in technology occur more frequently than Shane Warne commenting on some random sheila’s Twitter pic (informing her she’s a flamin’ scorcher nonetheless), it’s understandable why 20-somethings make snap-decisions for their futures that aren’t always the best call – y’know, ‘coz there’s a chance their desired job will be made obsolete by the time they’ve graduated. If you happen to fall into this category, and are overwhelmingly dissatisfied with your current employment situation, then maybe one of these “piss off – as if that’s a legit job” jobs in the science industry could give your existence a much needed injection of gusto. 

Sure, we all know that being a make-up artist can lead to bulk success and ~many blessings~ (it can also lead to a 20-year monotonous career stuck in a shopping mall where your clients are all +60 and exclusively talk about their grandchildren – that’s the risk you take in the name of beauty) but there’s also huge opportunities in cosmetic chemistry.  
Cosmetic chemists are the people responsible for making us look good, feel good and smell good (and for that, we offer a resounding “thank you”). Employing their knowledge of general chemistry, they develop and create cosmetic products such as foundation, shampoo, lipstick, toothpaste, cologne and deodorant. One day your work could be as impactful as Chanel’s Rouge Noir, made famous by Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. #lifegoals, people, #lifegoals. 
There’s a variety of roles that fall under the umbrella term “cosmetic chemist”. Here’s a few examples:
Cosmetic Formulator – If you’re all about creating thangs, then this is where you wanna be. A cosmetic formulator’s main responsibilities are combining chemicals to make the end product.
Quality Control Chemist – If you’re a bit of a control freak, then being a quality control chemist is likely your noise. You’re in charge of making sure all products are up to scratch (e.g. ensuring a perfume won’t cause all of your hair to fall out etc) and upholding ethical practices during a product’s creation. 
Sales – Pretty self-explanatory but just in case, you’d go forth into the big, bad commercial world and peddle the crap out of your client’s product for the dollar-dollar bills, y’all.
There’s not a whole heap of info available concerning estimated salaries in Australia. In America, however, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reports a median salary hovering around $72,350 (roughly $103,745AUD) which gives a pretty good indication of what it’d be here.   
The best way of breaking into the industry is by studying science with a major in – you guessed it – chemistry. 

We’re so sorry, ladies and gents. We really are. Unfortunately your mind has taken you to the place we predicted it would, and assumed a condom tester’s responsibility would involve hopping on the good-foot/doing the bad thing while donning various types of dong-wrappers. We thought the same thing too, if it makes you feel better. 
Swinburne’s Brain and Psychological Sciences Centre has partnered with the University of Wollongong to create a new-age franger. As time goes past, businesses and institutions will continue to improve upon the relic that is latex and you – yes, you – could make safe-sex substantially more pleasurable. 
Here’s the thing: each year there’s a truck-load of condoms sold globally (around 27 billion in 2015), yet the v-effective latex-based product hasn’t changed much in over 100 years, says a statement from Swinburne. While there are so many being sold, the current argument is that use should be more prominent than it is, and it’s not hitting that mark because some users feel as though sex is desensitised when a condom is worn.
The researchers at both universities are developing a new hydrogel material – a much thinner and stronger material than latex condoms – that will hopefully heighten sensation while getting freaky. If it feels like unprotected sex, or closer to it, logic would dictate that condom use would increase, and the benefits of increased global usage speaks for itself.
“Hydrogels are mostly made of water, held together by molecular chains called polymers. They have properties very close to human tissue, and can be tailored to feel a lot like skin,” says Bridgette Engeler Newbury – one of the project leads at Swinburne.
If condom testing doesn’t involve whacking one on and going at it, then how is it tested? Well, at the moment it just involves the researchers and test groups touching the material with their finger. Devo. 
Sure, you might not be having actual sex in order to test the condoms you’ve been creating (if only), but you’ll be shaking-up the sex game and potentially eradicating a host of STIs (not to mention you’ll be the biggest bro/kween in the 21st century).
If testing condoms sounds like your cup of tea then consider studying a Bachelor of Health Science majoring in Psychology and Psychophysiology (the latter of the majors will look superb on future business cards).

Those well-versed in the sciences know what astronomy’s all about, but for those of you who don’t, here’s the low-down on what could potentially be involved:
– Suss out a voyage to another planet. 
– Figure out what a planet is made-up of. 
– Continue the investigation into how galaxies are formed and what the dealio is with those black hole things. 
– Be a massive hero by spotting and then warning our little blue marble that there’s a huge asteroid on its way to destroy us all.
The role of the astronomer is to look at the big picture. They’re all like “yo – sun, moon, stars, galaxies, planets – what chu all about? Huh?” 
In terms of day-to-day work, an astronomer’s job can strictly revolve around gathering and analysing data from huge and exxi instruments. They can then hypothesise theories and essentially change up the way we perceive and understand things. 
If you’re more of a hands-on kinda person, you can move towards solving practical problems like plotting out a space flight, or ensuring that a satellite will communicate with earth properly. 
Just like all careers, however, you’ve got to ask yourself if there’s many employment opportunities. Well, yeah, there’s gonna be a whole bunch for astronomers: 
NASA is developing the capabilities needed to send humans to an asteroid by 2025 and Mars in the 2030s – goals outlined in the bipartisan NASA Authorisation Act of 2010 and in the U.S. National Space Policy, also issued in 2010,” wrote Gary Daines in a statement for NASA
You’ll need a PhD to really make your mark on the industry, so hit the books, kids. 
If you think you’re in need of a career shake-up and one of the aforementioned jobs sounds like your jam, then head to Swinburne’s website HERE – they’ve got courses that’ll land you a position in the roles we’ve discussed, as well as a plethora of similar, new-age, dope AF ones.