Can winter just fuck off already? We’re done, you stupid cold season. It’s over. Sure, for a while there it was extremely enjoyable to rug myself up in my woolies and sit too close to the fire at my mum’s place, before she yelled at me that I’d get “shingles” (what the living shit are shingles, they’re not real I say).

But now? Givvus back the sun and the summery long days, and iced coffee. IT IS TOO COLD. I CAN’T FEEL MY TOES EVER. I MAY HAVE FROSTBITE ON MY NOSE.

The worst news just accosted our eyeballs here at P.TV. Seems the eastern side of Australia – that’s where we are, right in Sydney – is set to cop some frosty temps this weekend. Oh, great! I didn’t want to get outside and avoid vitamin D deficiency! No worries Mother Nature YA DUMB DICKHEAD.

“It’s going to be extremely cold over the south east with a barrage of cold fronts coming, each bringing a burst of cold air, showers and very heavy snow as well,” Sky News Weather meteorologist Tristan Meyers told news.com.au.

The first cold front crossed SA today, and it’s heading for you guys, Victoria. Then there’s the second cold front – that’s expected to hit Adelaide tomorrow before moving across VIC and Tassie. It brings with it heavy rain and gale force winds! What a fun caper!

The third motherfucker of a cold front is the real doozy, though.

“Coming through on Friday and Saturday, this is the front bringing proper cooling. This one will bring temperatures potentially not seen for two years and at the very least we’ll have one of the colder outbreaks we’ve seen this winter, it’ll be very cold,” Mr. Meyers said.

The only good bit is this cold front’s bringing the snow.

Credit: Sky News

“There is going to be snowfall and it’s going to be heavy, potentially as much as a metre. It’s getting cold enough (for the snow) to spread into NSW and maybe even the Central Tablelands could get snow on Sunday morning. It’s going to be a very cold weekend ahead.”

Forecast-wise, Adelaide‘s got a severe weather warning for tomorrow, with possible gusts above 90 km/h. The weekend will see highs of 15C but wind chill will make it feel nippier. Melbs, you’re copping heavy downpours on Saturday and highs of 13C for the weekend. Sydney‘s got a shithouse sunday – a low of 8C and a high of just 15C. Canberra, you guys are used to the cold but prep for 8-9C on Sat and Sun, with freezing frosty mornings.

Brisbane, you’re bloody fine with toasty 20C+ weather, so kindly fuck off.

Image: The Revenant