I’m just gonna come right out and say it: Co-star is the most chaotic app on my phone and honestly I’m not even sure why I’ve still got it.

I became an ~astrology~ girl after a breakup, a pandemic and like six months in lockdown, but holy shit, I did not realise just how much of a messy bitch this damn app is.

For all of you unfamiliar with the app, it’s an astrology app that gives you your daily reading and usually mumbo-jumbo, but it *also* gives you a daily push notification that’ll either make you smile, or encourage you to do something crazy.

Sometimes, it’s the wakeup call you need not to text your ex or fuck your neighbour. But other times, it just makes you go ??????

Recently, my notification encouraged me to light things on fire and honestly, that was the final straw for me. When she calls me out on sleeping with people I shouldn’t, I can cop it on the chin. But I truly, truly have to draw the line at arson.

So, after being a *little* convinced that my Co-star was just fucking with me, I thought I’d take a gander at some of the most fucked Co-star notifications other people have received.

Brace yourselves, it’s about to get messy.

First up, we’ve got Co-star encouraging safe sex. We love her.

Sometimes she just tells you what you need to hear.

Then we’ve got the holy trinity of “make love to everything”, “smoke something new” and “you are still young.” Honestly, this is the millennial-equivalent of live, laugh, love.

And let’s not forget when she gets *really* dark. Co-star is really out here asking the hard questions.

Co-star really wants to dismantle capitalism, tbh.

But when she’s not encouraging a revolution, she likes to be ~cryptic~.

I imagine the Co-star head office is just a bunch of people getting high and writing down whatever they’re thinking.

Notifications with threatening auras, okay go:

Ouch.

Like you and I, Co-star is horny for Armie Hammer.

But unlike the advice I’d personally give you, Co-star will encourage you to give yourself a home-job tattoo. Don’t do it.

But honestly, the award for the most-brutal Co-star readings has to go to this guy, who got hit with a triple whammy of truth bombs.

But this one is a close, close second. 2020 really do be like that.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to delete the hell app and throw my phone into the ocean so Co-star can never hurt me like this again.