Clive Palmer Finally Wins Seat of Fairfax Following Third Recount

Flamboyant moneybags Clive Palmer can now add the seat of Fairfax on the Sunshine Coast to his underwater grotto of thingamabobs he owns, alongside Australia’s largest dinosaur park and his even larger dreams, following confirmation from the AEC (who finalised their eight-week long recount of 89,000 ballots last night) that Palmer had won Parliament’s most marginal seat by a mere 53 votes. 
Palmer’s victory is the latest twist in a tale that feels as old as time itself: one that began with a twerk and ended with the resigned, undulating thigh clap which rang out Palmer originally won the seat by a margin of thirty-six votes. A second count narrowed that number down to seven votes, before arriving today at the victorious number fifty-three ballots ahead of the Liberal National Party’s Ted O’Brien and his 42,277 votes. 
The Australian are this afternoon reporting that Palmer’s United Party victory has experienced the strongest debut in politics since a small assemblage of likeminded kinfolk named One Nation experienced a brief surge in popularity at a state level in 1998. Palmer last night told The 7.30 Report that his first order of duty as an MP will be to root out corruption in both Campbell Newman’s government and the Australian Electoral Commission itself, summing his intentions up succinctly with a swift, “Goodbye Campbell Newman.” 
He later added, “I’m looking forward to making a positive contribution to the battle of ideas in Canberra,” and lambasted the drawn out recount process, saying that “millions of dollars of taxpayers’ money… would be better spent on something else.”
Like a replica Titanic. Or dinosaurs. 

Photo by Dave Hunt via AAP