Christmas crackers aren’t meant to contain anything good, and the sooner we give up the pretense of enjoying shitty plastic moustaches, the sooner we can recognise the real joy of the humble bon-bon: the act of causing a small explosion with a relative.
We should all just buy actual fireworks, tbh.
But one New South Wales family did apparently experience a genuine brush with danger on Christmas Day, thanks to the unexpected appearance of an actual goddamn shiv in an eleven-year-old boy’s bon-bon.
The Sydney Morning Herald reports that young Bobby McNeilage popped a bon-bon with his older brother at the family’s Christmas lunch, before turning the carboard tube over onto the table.
Instead of a naff joke and a fun-for-an-hour party hat, McNeilage received a rusty blade wrapped with sticky tape at one end.
Bobby’s mother Melissa McNeilage worried the blade could have done some significant damage, saying “if it flew out it could have been heaps worse,” and mused that “if it got into the wrong hands of a little kid, something drastic could have happened.
“It looked like something from a prison.”
The cracker, which was manufactured in China, was reportedly purchased from Woolworths. The supermarket chain says it is currently investigating the matter according to its product safety protocols.
Melissa McNeilage’s sister, who purchased the bon-bons, is not understood to have received a refund for the knife-bearing cracker.
It is also unclear if young Bobby was allowed to play with his new shiv, which was obviously the most interesting thing to have ever tumbled out of a colourful paper cylinder.
