Here’s a perfectly ordinary, if uninteresting tweet:
CMSgt Steve Cum and CMSgt Adam "Troy" McComb payed a special visit to @GerogeMasonUniversity to attend the commencement and graduation of the Air Force Enlisted to Medical Degree program graduates. The graduates' next stop is medical school! pic.twitter.com/glF9fjeZFg— Air Force Medicine (@USAFHealth) May 17, 2018
Nothing crazy here. Just a completely normal photo of some senior US Air Force officers attending a university graduation to HEY WAIT A SECOND. Please allow us to draw your attention to the man standing on the far left: Chief Master Sergeant Steve Cum.
Chief. Master. Sergeant. Steve. Cum.
“Maybe it’s a typo,” you suggest. It is not.
Amid chaos & confusion, 3 medical Airmen attending the Route 91 Harvest Festival immediately went into action. “Their courage, poise, & professionalism stands out among some of our greatest heroes in our Air Force history” said CMSgt Steve Cum. @usairforce https://t.co/DPXtwyHnv4 pic.twitter.com/Xafvidd66v— Air Force Medicine (@USAFHealth) March 6, 2018
"We feel honored to lead an exceptional group of people who truly embrace Trusted Care Anywhere and make it a reality! Happy Holidays to Airmen and their families, thank you for all you do. We will see you in 2018!" – Lt. Gen. Mark Ediger & CMSgt Steve Cum. pic.twitter.com/vNmzWgMWwz— Air Force Medicine (@USAFHealth) December 22, 2017
None of us get to choose the name we were born with. If I’d had my own way, I wouldn’t have grown up in the 90s as a non-straight primary school child whose name rhymes perfectly with ‘McGay’, and yet, here I am, McGay as hell. Obviously, Steve Cum had no hand in his name and can’t be blamed for how ridiculous it sounds. Although, to some extent he did. You see, Steve Cum is not his real name.
It’s George Cum.
As per his bio on the Air Force Medical Service website, Chief Master Sergeant George “Steve” Cum decided that part of his name needed to go – and it was not the “cum” part. Is it childish that I find this so funny? Maybe. But it’s also hilarious that in his bio he is referred to as “Chief Cum”:
Chief Cum is the personal advisor to the USAF Surgeon General on all issues regarding the welfare, readiness, morale, and proper utilization and progression for the 34,000 Total Force medical enlisted community.
This incredibly interestingly-named gentleman came across my radar because a bunch of people saw that first tweet and were also similarly tickled:
Steve Cum! Steve Cum. CMSgt Steve Cum. Mr. Cum – Steve to his friends! – Stephen Cum https://t.co/Z8DLkJcq8P— Ed Zitron (@edzitron) May 22, 2018
Steve Who https://t.co/jwX6IvCt8S— Stefan Heck (@boring_as_heck) May 22, 2018
I don't know what's funnier, the name Steve cum or the guy who's nickname is troy. https://t.co/TKTBy8batI— BrowntoBure (@BrowntoBure) May 22, 2018
And to really hammer it home, please enjoy just the barest hint of an official United States Airforce nametag reading simply ‘cum’:
I don’t know if you can tell, but this has absolutely made my day.