Did you know that some city councils offer discount vouchers to residents so their cats can be desexed? The City of Melbourne permits certain cardholders a 33% discount on the procedure in the hopes of curbing the number of ferals roaming the streets. Neutering pet cats is actually very important: not only does the process reduce the number of unwanted kittens, it also protects native wildlife ravaged by the invasive species. There are also the behavioural benefits, as desexing your cat can reduce the likelihood of it getting into territorial fights and pissing absolutely everywhere.

This is a long way of saying we have enough cats. We’re inundated. Pet cats are indisputably good, but terrible things happen when they are left to their own devices. Given enough time, bands of stray cats can become really obsessed with trains and sing about something called a Heaviside layer. Broadway musicals can even be staged in their honour, and those musicals can morph into occult CGI films.

Desex your cats, folks. You don’t want to know what horrors could emerge if you don’t.

Anyway, here’s the trailer for Cats. It stars Taylor Swift, Jason Derulo, Judi Dench, Idris Elba, and newcomer Francesca Hayward, among other big names. It premieres on Aussie cinema screens this Boxing Day.