Canadian Parliament Let Rip A Very Serious Discussion About The Word “Fart”

Friends, in these tumultuous political times, it’s nice to get the occasional reminder that Parliamentary process is largely a tool for petulance and time-wasting. Petulance and time-wasting that is recorded, transcribed, and enshrined in the public record forever.
Our dear, dear friends in Canada, who are quite rightly still crowing about their walking GQ cover/Daddiest Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, found themselves in the throes of a reasonably serious parliamentary debate yesterday over what exactly constitutes unparliamentary language.
And really, that’s just a fancy way of telling you that someone in Canadian Parliament said the word “fart,” and then the whole goddamned room paused for a moment to figure out if that was actually cool beans.
Michelle Rempel, the Conservative Party member for Calgary Nose Hill in the province of Alberta, rose to give an impassioned speech on the issue of carbon taxes and Parliamentary wastage (boy, does that ever sound familiar).
In the middle of the speech came this ribald little ditty:

“Why is the government not talking about how to retain skilled labour? Why is the infrastructure minister not talking about how to implement infrastructure funds and get construction workers back to work in Alberta? Why does the government treat Alberta like a fart in the room that nobody wants to talk about or acknowledge? That is where my constituents have been with the present government for over a year. We are tired of it.”

A few minutes later, after Rempel concluded her speech that invoked Brexit for some god unknown reason, Green Party – yes, GREEN party – leader Elizabeth May rose to make a point of order:


“I hate to interrupt my friend in her speech, but I heard her say a word that I know is distinctly unparliamentary, and I think she may want to withdraw it. The word was f-a-r-t.”


That’s right, folks. Not only did May object to someone saying the word “fart,” she couldn’t even bring herself to say it out loud so she spelled it instead.


That word being fart.
FART.
FFFFFAAAAAARRRRRRRT.
May, amid wild uproar from the back benches, then explained her objections further:
“I feel it is important to make something of the member’s choice of words is that she then accused people opposite her for reacting. In that context, decorum and respect are important in this place.”


“I remind those who are now heckling me that they are breaking the rules of this place when they do so.”

“I have never heckled in this place, not once, and I have never used language that was unparliamentary, not once.”


Ahhh yes. The Westminster version of “I have never been horny.” A true classic.

Anthony Rota, the deputy speaker of the house, finally managed to get things under control in perhaps the most Canadian way possible: hospital-grade politeness.

“There are times in the chamber when passion takes over, things get heated, and sometimes we say things that are out of order or that may not be parliamentary. The hon. member said a couple of things that were borderline, but it is up to her to decide whether they were unparliamentary. Someone took offence. I will take it under advisement and bring it back to the table, and we will go from there.”


To recap: a right-wing conservative dropped the word “fart” in Canadian parliament, the leader of the Green party objected for whatever reason, refused to utter the ghastly word out loud, and sparked a debate about unparliamentary language that now sits in the public record for all to see.

It makes our c-bomb dropping Parliament look positively badass by comparison.

See y’all next Tuesday.
Source: Twitter Moments.

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