A Byron woman’s car was damanged by a flying dildo box this week, as The Courier-Mail reports.
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Felicity Durham from the Northern Rivers region of NSW told her tale of wang woe to the Byron Bay Community Board Facebook page on Tuesday.
So… on my way home to Ocean Shores from Brunz [Brunswick Heads] yesterday, my car was struck, breaking my headlight cover, by what I thought was a Cockatoo.
So naturally, I turned around at the Rajah Rd roundabout to see if it was. But what I found in fact was a “King Cock”, not a cockatoo!
So! To whoever was travelling southbound on the highway, own up to your litterbug ways!
The Courier-Mail actually talked to Durham about the incident to confirm the details: it was an empty dildo box, not an actual dildo that struck her car. And that it is deeply weird that a cardboard box managed to damage her car.
I think it was maybe just the impact, because they were going so fast in the opposite direction and I was going about 70km/h.
I would ordinarily be fairly more upset, but this was just too funny.
She also said that one of her friends had experienced the exact same thing. Bullshit, no way: “They were hit by a flying dildo at the same place.”
There is so much about this story to unpack, from why Durham thought it would be totally fine to run down a cockatoo, to the warranted suspicion that this story is totally made up (if it is, who cares, I’m still deeply entertained), to the possibility of a dildo-littering epidemic in northern NSW.
But what I really want to zero in on is the unseen person in this story, the one who allegedly unwrapped their cool brand new seven-inch dildo, one meant to mimic an uncircumcised penis, one with the world’s first ‘slide-skin™‘.
This person, if they indeed exist, was just merrily driving along, looking at their brand new purchase, before deciding to unwrap and discard the packaging. Just throw it cavalierly out their car window, and then tuck their new unwrapped dildo in the glove box, or better yet on the coveted passenger seat. It’s that image that absolutely ruins me.
