A Sydney man has cracked open a locked safe that he found buried beneath the ground five years ago, and inside he discovered what may truly be the greatest relic of a past civilisation discovered by humankind. Yes, of course I’m talking about a 2002 Vin Diesel promo condom for the film XXX. What else could I be talking about?
Sydney legend and photographer Pat Stevenson and his good mate Christiaan Van Vuuren, of Bondi Hipsters fame, found the safe back in 2016 in an old rental home in Redfern, and finally decided to whip this bad boy open after years of wondering what the hell could be inside it.
Personally, if I found a super locked safe hidden beneath the ground, I’d at least expect it to be a time capsule from the prehistoric times. Y’know, a T-Rex skull or something that a caveman put into a steel safe for future generations to see. It makes sense in my brain, okay?
“A friend of mine found a locked safe buried underground 5 years ago,” Vuuren wrote on Twitter.
“For 5 years there has been anticipation over what might be inside it. Today, he finally opened that safe, and within it, was a single XXX condom… as in a branded condom, from the 2002 movie starring Vin Diesel.”
Well there you have it folks. A piece of history. A monument lost to time. A relic of our ancestors.
https://twitter.com/ChristiaanVanV/status/1397428105128464386?s=20
You might be wondering, like I was when reading this Twitter post, ‘why the hell did it take the boys five years after discovering this huge buried safe to finally open it?’
Well, thankfully the boys have answered our hard-hitting questions already.
Couldn’t be fucked
— Pat Stevenson (@patstevophoto) May 26, 2021
And to make matters funnier than they already were (I mean, discovering a long-lost promo condom is already pretty hilarious), Vuuren made the discovery that Vin Diesel plays ‘Dom’ in the Fast and the Furious franchise.
Get it? Dom?
I chuckled.
Holy shit. Vin Diesel’s character name in Fast and the Furious is “Dom”. pic.twitter.com/vhFtRvYUcy
— Christiaan Van Vuuren (@ChristiaanVanV) May 26, 2021
Pat and Christiaan are yet to say what the fuck they’re gonna do with the condom, but I assume the answer lies somewhere in this sentence.
Personally, I’d just preserve it forever. Put it in a museum. That’s history right there babey.
