A Pat On The Back To These Blokes Who Brought A Broom To Clean Up Melb’s Poopy Flood Water

brunswick flood poop water

Folks in Brunswick had their ankles drenched in brown poopy water (oopsie!) this afternoon as Melbourne was hit with a forecast of chonky cats and dogs AKA major rainfall.

Sources say you could hear the squishy sounds of people’s soaked socks and shoes all the way across the Yarra River.*

*For legal reasons, don’t fact-check that.

After La Niñapocalypse made its splashing debut in NSW last weekend, Victoria got its share. By around 5pm, locals were about as collectively flooded as my basement is at literally anything Tyler, The Creator since Flower Boy.

At around 4pm, the Bureau of Meteorology in Victoria issued a severe thunderstorm warning for Melbourne Airport, City and other parts of the region. Over the next few hours, the storm swept through and absolutely hammered the inner-city areas.

By about 7pm, BoM said that the emergency storm behaviour had eased but that residents should still look out for heavy rainfall, damaging winds and large hail in parts of central Victoria. Damn, La Niña is acting up. She’s crazy! Someone really needs to check on her and see if she’s doing okay. This is a sign of someone acting out.

Anyway, while everything appears to have subsided – for now – the clips of what occurred during those few flood-watered hours are mere proof that Gods are among us. Poseidon, Amphrotrote Neptune, Varuna, Tefnut… all the water-sign holy stars were out on Lygon St tonight, folks.

In one clip taken from the flooded scene, a bunch of blokes could be seen pushing their car through the rain like it was the Trojan Horse. Here’s hoping there are no spear-wielding Ancient Greek himbo babes hiding in your four-wheeled unit, lads. Or let’s, IDK what you’re into. I won’t kinkshame a night with a barely-dressed burly man or two, after all.

Another clip shot by the same user, and from a first-person perspective reminiscent of a remake of Silent Hill, really captures the horrific moment of standing in a newly discovered lake made of unclear, fast-moving brown liquid.

Yes, I am trying everything in my power here not to make a poopy water joke so instead, I’ll just say this: they’re swimming with the fishies now. Rest in Pee, buddy. Old mate is also holding a broom in the clip – no idea what he plans to do with that. Sweep the water away??? Huge, if true. No really, he has a huge task before him if that’s what he intended to do here.

Here’s some other footage from the flooded scene because when it rains, it pours.


In case you missed it, weather experts have officially called it: we’re having a Wet Vax Summer, a Sloppy Soaked December, a Wet ‘n’ Wild New Year’s. And not the good kind. La Niña is here baby.