There are, broadly, two ways that the television networks of Australia elect to do federal election coverage. You either have the sober, data-dense, informative visual breakdowns over at the ABC, spearheaded by Australia’s pollster-in-chief Antony Green. Or you have the commercial networks doing something completely insane with 3D graphics, in a desperate attempt to peel people away from watching someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.
However, nothing will top the soaring heights of Channel Nine‘s coverage of the Labor wipeout of 2007. Yes, folks – I’m talking about THE SHREDDER.
The Shredder was a masterpiece of populist visual design. We don’t need to see preference flows, vote allocations, two-party-preferred results or any of that pointless egghead nonsense. We need to see who ate shit, and we need to see it immediately. Why worry ourselves with the labyrinthine machinations of our political system, when we can see Coalition MPs obliterated by The Shredder’s glittering jaws?
My favourite part is that the hosts seemed powerless to stop The Shredder. “And the computer’s putting John Howard back into The Shredder again.” We are all at the mercy of The Shredder’s cruel whim. And that’s what makes it so beautiful.
The Australian reported over the weekend that commercial networks have been backing up a dumptruck of money to Antony Green in an attempt to get him to bolster their election coverage. I don’t pretend to have any particular insight into those discussions, but what I do know is that Mr Green at the helm of The Shredder would be a crossover event to remember. Can you imagine Antony, the election genius, humbled before the raw might of The Shredder’s churning maw?
Bring. Back. The. Shredder.
