In the considered words of Mariah Carey, I don’t want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. But it’s not the unrequited love of an unnamed someone that I yearn for every December. It’s for the immediate resurrection and renewal of peak-90s game show A*Mazing.
[jwplayer MEzgMveC]
Each year, for Christmas, I ask for the same thing. Each year I am denied.
You can’t wrap what I want. You can’t put it under the tree. You can’t layby it in June and gradually pay it off over the back end of the year, stashing it carefully in the back of your cupboard away from prying eyes sometime in late November.
I want A*Mazing put back onto TV immediately. Why not? Why wouldn’t we do this? What have we got to lose?
And when I say “bring it back,” I mean no half-assing it. Give me the horrible, slippery giant keyboard. Polish off the ugly penguins. Grease up the secret keys and shove ’em behind the cactus. Haul James Sherry out of whatever cryogenic chamber they’re keeping him in. The works.
Except it’s for adults now. That’s the only twist. It’s exactly the same show as it used to be, only now the contestants are adults and maybe they get to drink boozy frozen drinks on set or whatever. Who knows.
It’s not like we’re not doing this elsewhere or anything. We’re just casually allowing a Legends of the Hidden Temple adult reboot where they’re tossing people into the actual jungle to happen, but when I want to watch two grown-ass men throw hands in the Pirate’s Cave over the third O in WOODY HARRELSON, that’s a bridge too far?
It’s all well and good to dust off Big Brother in 2020, but me wanting to watch a drunk 32-year-old cry on national TV because some true chaotic neutral managed to hit the ungodly Rainbow Road shortcut on all three laps isn’t worth exploring?
Hell, we’re giving Kyle Fucking Sandilands a pile of money to put on a fake judge robe and pretend to be Judge, Judy, and Executioner, but we can’t find enough spare change to let me watch a mid-tier sales rep snap their achilles in two trying to clamber their way to a Game Boy Colour through a car boot?
Hell no. Hell, no. I don’t accept any of that.
And that’s why this year, just like every other year, the only thing I want for Christmas is the immediate return of A*Mazing.
Give me what I want Santa, you big red prick.
