A 54-year-old English bride has been jailed for three and a half years for fraudulently scamming the fuck out of her best friend and maid of honour. Buckle up, bridesmaids, ringbearers and flower-theys, this is gonna be a wild ride.

According to the Daily Mail, the Sheffield Crown Court in England heard that Angela Kitchener scammed approximately £27,000 (AUD$50,337) from others, after lying, scheming and plotting her way into getting their dollarydoos.

Kitchener admitted to two counts of fraud and was arrested this week, with Judge David Dixon calling her a “fantasist” who used “blatant lies” to scam money from her friends.

So, I bet you’re wondering how the hell she did it. Well, don’t get any ideas, but this is what apparently went down.

Kitchener reportedly told her best friend and maid of honour Nicola Reynolds before her wedding that she needed a little bit of help covering costs, and so asked Reynolds to be the guarantor on a £10,000 (AUD$18,640) loan. Friendship pulled through and bestie Reynolds became guarantor.

The catch here was that Kitchener told Reynolds that she had just sold her ex-husband’s haulage business, and was waiting on a massive £5M (AUD$9M) payout, but the money just hadn’t come through yet. Kitchener reportedly promised Reynolds that the two could live in luxury together once the money came in.

According to Prosecutor Maryan Almhod, Kitchener claimed “she would pay off [Reynolds’] debts and mortgage and she and her children would have a good life.”

bride scammer jailed
Angela Kitchener (left) and Nicola Reynolds (right).

But it doesn’t end there, oh no. Kitchener also reportedly claimed to have terminal cancer, which influenced Reynolds to support her in buying a sofa, television and clothes. After all, Kitchener had no money and was still waiting on this £5M to come through.

On top of this, Kitchener also reportedly claimed that her ex-husband was killed in a freak farming accident, and so she was expecting a payout of £77M (AUD$143M), which was being continuously delayed because of ‘paperwork’. So that’s two massive payouts being held up by random circumstances. Interesting.

Sheffield Crown Court found that not only was Kitchener lying about her terminal cancer, but her ex-husband was alive and well, and wasn’t even the owner of a haulage business but simply worked for them.

There were reportedly others that Reynolds scammed into being guarantors for loans, and the court found that Kitchener could not afford to pay Reynolds back at all as she had absolutely no income.

If you need me, I’m going to be politely telling all of my friends that they’ll be getting zilcho from my bank account.