Bow Before The Apple iPhone 5

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Published

September 13, 2012

“We’ve updated every aspect of iPhone 5. Everything has been enhanced,” announced Apple CEO Tim Cook at the long awaited unveiling of the iPhone 5. Has it though? Apart from the proverbial fresh coat of paint (and the aesthetic design updates are certainly manifold), most of the upgrades in terms of phone functionality aren’t earth shatteringly mind blowing.

Still, there’s some cool new shit worth noting. Firstly: 4-INCH RETINA DISPLAY. For those of you who, like me, thought this was a futuristic user-recognition-by-eyeball unlocking system seen in Sci-Fi movies to gain access to vaults or high-security prison cells, let me clarify. Retina Display gives the imaging on your iPhone screen amazing life-like clarity. Sharper text and richer colours will improve your viewing experience considerably.

Then there’s the new and improved CAMERA. The software has been updated to so users can take better quality pictures in low light (#nofilter) as well as featuring a new panorama mode that can record 1080p video and and the ability to take photos while shooting video. It also comes with iOS 6 which includes a new Maps app, Facebook integration, all new Siri features and more; plus Ultrafast Wireless capabilities and better battery life.

There’s a new MICROPHONE SYSTEM boasting new noise canceling technology, as well as new Apple EarPods featuring a breakthrough design for a more natural fit and increased durability, and an incredible acoustic quality typically reserved for higher-end earphones.

But, like I said, the most significant changes are in the aesthetic details. “iPhone 5 is the most beautiful consumer device that we’ve ever created,” said Philip Schiller, Apple’s senior vice president of Worldwide Marketing.

It’s thinner and lighter than ever, with the new 4-inch screen surrounded by an anodized aluminum body with diamond cut chamfered edges and glass inlays…. Whatever the fuck all that means. And who really cares, because let’s face it: when it comes to Apple products it’s all about prestige and the satisfaction that comes with being first.

The new iPhone 5 will go on sale on September 21, with pre-orders beginning tomorrow. It will sell in Australia for $A799 outright for the 16 Gigabyte model, $A899 for 32GB and $A999 for 64GB . Let’s cut the chatter and take a look at this gorgeous creature, shall we?