It seems like something of a modern medical miracle that Bob Katter managed to put enough words in the right order in succession to convince people to elect him to the Australian Federal Parliament. Since wandering in from the dust in 1993, the the Member for Kennedy has been on a steady path of brain decline, spending his taxpayer-funded hours fixating on crocodiles and big hats and the like. This week, his attentions – his righteous fury, if you will – have turned towards what he now views as one of the most pressing social issues in Australia: the existence of vegan pies.

Following the announcement that Four N Twenty will soon release a plant-based meat-free pie, Katter was quick to jump on the information superhighway and lose what little was left of his got dang mind.

In a deeply odd video posted to the MP’s official Facebook page, Katter – pie in hand – wailed about the development, declaring that a “meat pie and a beer” at the football is “the most Australian of all activities.” Yes, even more Australian that having a giant election tantrum over franking credits.

“That is the essence of our Australianism,” he says in the video. “Now to have a vegan pie…” Katter continued before trailing off to ponder his next thought. “…ahhhhh, I think we got a problem here.”

The video then abruptly cuts off before Katter makes any sort of further point.

Vegan pies at the football; It’s un-Australian

They are now serving vegan pies at the football in Melbourne. I haven’t heard of anything more anti-Australian. Let’s fight back and continue to eat Aussie beef. Channel 9’s story: https://bit.ly/2SY4bis#KAP #BobKatter #EatOurBeef

Posted by Bob Katter on Tuesday, February 25, 2020

There’s a lot to unpack there, but here’s the key takeaways:

  • Old mate proudly flaunting that clearly gourmet pie that came in a full-on cardboard box instead of a greasy paper bag proves his blue blood lips have not once been burnt to smithereens by a bog-standard nuclear hot $3 rat coffin at the footy.
  • The pause after he raises the Coke and initially calls it a “beer” is just bellissimo.
  • I would pay so much money to hear what the hell spilled out of his mouth after the video cut off.
  • This Tier One level cry about a pie with mock meat in it is great considering vegan pies have existed at the football for god knows how long already.

Anyway, there you have it folks. Bob Katter: Hates the pie.

More at 11.