Some of you may think I hate whales after my Migaloo stories, but it’s simply not true. I love a good whale. Love those big fat bastards.

Generally I love them far, far away from me, breaching out of the water for my entertainment. But I’ll also accept them scarily close as long as they don’t actually touch me physically in any way.

What I don’t enjoy is extremely fucking huge ones. Nothing, in my opinion, should be longer than… six metres? Do we agree on that? I’ll go ten just to be fair.

This blue whale that’s currently frolicking off the coast of Geographe Bay is 25 METRES LONG. That is far too long. Be shorter, this is just arrogant.

Blue Whale off Point Picquet

A 25m long BLUE WHALE was spotted in the crystal clear waters of Geographe Bay over the weekend. ????????"I don't think there's anywhere else in the world where you can film blue whales within a 100m from shore, in clear water on a sandy bottom. The South West is really unique," Blair Ranford, who shot the video said.???? Blair Ranford / @sharkyaerials

Posted by ABC Perth on Tuesday, 17 September 2019

Where the fuck is Geographe Bay, you ask? Well, I didn’t bloody know did I – I had to Google. You could just Google, you know. Why are you asking me? Anyway, it’s just off Busselton, which is a very pretty spot worth visiting if you’re in Western Australia. Just some travel tips from me there.

Anyway, the whale is 25 metres long which I have already told you but I just need to really hammer it home that the whale is frankly too long. But… ugh… if you’re really into like ~nature~ and ~the amazing beauty of the natural world~, it’s a pretty big deal that they’ve spotted this guy.

“I don’t think there’s anywhere else in the world where you can film blue whales within a 100m from shore, in clear water on a sandy bottom. The South West is really unique,” Blair Ranford, owner of the video, told ABC Perth.

So IDK, if you’ve got a drone and some spare time/no job, and can get to Busselton maybe you can fly that thing out and have a squizzle at this big boy. Maybe – Idk if drones are legal there since they’re basically legal nowhere. Whatever! Work it out! I’m not your mum!

Anyway more importantly we should give him a name. Bluesy? Bluebs, short for Blueberry? Blo-Blo. Bloris. Alanis Blorisette. Bluedor.

I’m so sorry.