It might seem like it sometimes, but the stone cold truth is that we’re not here to tell you what to do with your lives. If you want to dance, then you go dance. If you want to collect swords, you collect as many swords as you want. If you want to fuck a length of PVC pipe, you… ah… just… just be careful.
The point is, so long as you’re not hurting anyone else, we’re not about to tell you your business. Even if it has totally foreseeable and avoidable consequences for yourself.
With that in mind we present to you our new hero: This blithering idiot child.
A dumbass young lad from Chongqing in central China who entered a lift last Friday and immediately identified the chance for tomfoolery.
Now, any normal person with a boring brain will identify the standard spots for an elevator jape: Hiding in the corner to spook anyone who gets on, pranking the emergency response line with a classic “is your refrigerator running” stitch-up, punching out through the roof and racing the carriage by speedily climbing the cables. But this complete moron engaged his genius brain and came up with the best play of all.
He pissed on all the buttons.
CCTV footage captured in the lift shows the lad immediately de-flying himself upon entering the lift, before unfurling one of the most glorious rope of yellow piss ever captured on film.
The aim and control of this incredibly thick lad, truly marvellous.
Sure, the elevator broke down fucking immediately after he finished, plunging the box into darkness and leaving him to blindly paw at the freshly piss-soaked buttons like an incontinent cat in a fridge box.
But when you’ve got conviction this steely? Let it flow.
Authorities freed him shortly thereafter, and likely gave the supreme deadshit a verbal dressing down. But if you ask us? Brother, some buttons are simply meant to be pissed on.