Beer Prices Could Rise Bc That Bloody Bastard Known As ‘The Weather’ Has Now Fkd Up Barley Crops

ross geller on friends drinking a beer in a pink shirt saying "fk"

It brings me extreme displeasure to announce the price of beer might spike ‘cos flooding across Australia’s east coast has ruined barley and wheat crops. Pour one out or savour the last cheap drop, the choice is yours.

NSW Farmers Grains Committee chair Justin Everitt told the Daily Telegraph crops such as barley and wheat have gone underwater and machinery has gotten swamped amid heavy rainfall.

Roads are also a bit bloody borked from the torrential downpour so it’s been harder to transport crops.

“Barley might be the one where people buying their beer might find it a lot more; the price for barley has gone up for quite some time,” he said.

“So that’s probably where you will see an increase in beer prices. Once the breweries’ costs increase … they’ll pass those costs to the consumer.”

Obviously, this is devastating news for anyone who goes hog wild for a beer. It is simply a delight to drink a crisp pint, schooner, middy or pot (a beer size my Perth brain refuses to understand the meaning of) in the sun, so hearing that the price of the sweet, barley-riddled beverage might soar has knocked me for six.

The silly season will also be kicking off in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, and if there’s one way to deal with your problematic uncle’s random outbursts during Christmas lunch, it’s by enjoying a few frothies.

Everett also said interstate suppliers would most likely pitch in to satisfy demand, so at least we’re not looking at beer shortages. I wish we could say the same for the humble, iconic, salty and awe-inspiring chip — fucked weather and supply chain issues have also caused potato crops to flop, which meant some chip brands recently couldn’t make it to your supermarket shelf and, by extension, your snack bowl.

Thoughts and prayers to the poor farmers who have copped the brunt of La Niña’s wet and wild ways. Maybe this is the ol’ girl trying to tell us she’s more of a Diet Coke drinker.