Do you guys realise how hard it is to write colloquial pop culture articles while laying on the floor, curled up in the foetal position because your body hurts from manically laughing? It’s really tough. 

But, I continue in my quest to bring you the following ridiculous news: The far-right people we often see on the news yelling about rights that don’t actually exist, the United Patriots Front, have decided to try to bring their unsophisticated and relatively vanilla brand of bigotry to Parliament

They made the big announcement in a Facebook video earlier this week:

FORTITUDE

Posted by United Patriots Front on Sunday, 22 November 2015

How can you think those blokes aren’t good for our country, speaking slowly and respectfully in their tidy polo shirts, while harmlessly patting a cattle dog? 

Well, quite easily tbh. Because human LEGO brick UPF leader Blair Cottrell is saying sentences like, “They stay there, we stay here. It’s as simple as that.”(Well, multiculturalism isn’t really as ‘simple as that’, is it? That’s why you’re protesting and getting all adorably confused about whether your angry feelings are about a religion or a race, you fuckwits. Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party)

The party, which is called ‘FORTITUDE‘ (because of course it is), will allegedly be up and running in a matter of weeks. 

Be careful guys – this could be one of the next leaders of our country:

Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party

And the best news is, while Cottrell seems to be the obvious leader of the party, it might be slightly difficult for him to run (by AEC regulations) due to his criminal history as an arsonist, which is spent 19 months in prison for. Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party

They’ll also need 500 registered members Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political PartyBe Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party and they have to overcome any objections from the publicBe Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political PartyBe Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political PartyBe Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party

We also wonder if they do all of these things and gain political power, will they be expecting all Aussie citizens to change their Facebook cover photos to some semblance of native fauna punching darbs and boxing? Because that’s not really our aesthetic here at PEDESTRIAN.TV

Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party

Seriously though reader, Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party Everything hurts. Tummy pains. Be Very Afraid: The United Patriots Front Have Formed A Political Party Please send help.

via The Guardian / UPF’s delightfully tacky Facebook page.