Balenciaga might think it’s testing the limits of fashion with its new trash bag tote but really all it’s testing is my patience.

We know Balenciaga doesn’t really give AF about traditional fashion. I still get war flashbacks from its cursed stiletto Crocs, which are just one example of the many times this brand has fucked with us in the name of ~aesthetics~. However, I propose its latest accessory should land the Creative Director Demna Gvasalia in fashion jail.

Demna’s Winter 2022 show unveiled the brand’s latest bag, which is identical to a literal garbage bag you’d line your bin with — aptly named the “Trash Pouch.”

The Trash Pouch is made with calfskin leather (so it’s not vegan) and is covered with a glossy coating that comes in the colours black, white, blue, red and yellow. Yes, it has “Balenciaga” printed on the side (to differentiate you from The Poors™) and comes at the not-at-all-insane price of AUD$2,577.

When Demna was asked about the bags, he said he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to create a “fashion scandal”. Which wouldn’t be funny if it wasn’t for the fact these bags will actually be sold on their website. So, like, it’s not really a joke?

Again, this accessory is designed to make you look like you’re taking out the trash. Sir, what is stopping me from just painting an actual trash bag and using that instead?

I don’t care if Balenciaga thinks it is being radical by turning traditionally low-brow stuff into high concept art or whatever. At some point you have to admit this stuff is just a glorified yet equally problematic version of homeless chic.

I mean, what else can you call the boujeefication of things like ripped clothes and literal trash bags which are typically used by people who can’t afford new shit. There’s nothing rich creative types love more than to cosplay as the poor. It’s not classy until rich people do it!

Who would’ve thought we’d be living in times where even povo aesthetics are being gatekept from us. It truly is wild.

Balenciaga, you can keep your $2577 trash bag. I have a whole roll of compostable ones for just 39c each. And they’re sage green which is more trendy anyway.