When Natasha Bedingfield said “feel the rain on your skin” in the 2004 smash-hit ‘Unwritten’, I have a feeling she was talking about dancing around while it’s merely lightly sprinkling outside. Unfortunately for two-thirds of Australia, we won’t be getting the chance to live out this blessed mantra, unless we wanted to “feel” the unrelenting torrential downpour completely obliterating our senses.

Good morning Australia, I’ll be your weather girl for today. Cancel your plans and make sure your umbrella isn’t one of those shitty ones that do a full-on handstand every time it’s outside, because shit’s gonna get WET.

According to the Bureau of Meteorology (BoM), two-thirds of the whole country is expected to be lashed by a 4000km band of rain that’s essentially going to sweep from west to east, reaching its conclusion around Sunday or Monday.

The heavy downpour and flood warnings will kick off on Thursday which is… today, so if you forgot your brolly and you’re stuck at work, maybe stop by Ezy Mart? They’re scattered around everywhere for the sole purpose of umbrella sales, I am convinced.

“In anticipation of the forecast rainfall, Severe Weather Warnings for heavy rainfall have been issued across multiple states with further warnings likely,” BoM meteorologist Jackson Browne said in a video posted to Twitter.

“Severe Thunderstorm Warnings may be issued as needed, carrying the risk of damaging winds and heavy rainfall.”

“Accumulated rainfall shows our cloud band shifting over the eastern two-thirds of Australia, with Thursday being the peak day of rainfall.”

Basically, we’re all going to be Listerine and Mother Nature is going to swish and spit us clean.

And naturally, whenever there are warnings for intense bouts of demon spout, there are also flood warnings.

“Flood Watches have also been issued in anticipation of the upcoming rainfall,” Browne continued.

“Residents living on and near flooded rivers and creeks especially in parts of NSW, QLD and eastern Vic, need to stay alert to the latest forecasts and warnings, as many rivers are likely to experience flooding in the coming days.”

Well, you heard the man. Avoid rivers and lakes and maybe call off that harbour yacht trip you had planned with the boys.

As always, ensure that all driving is necessary driving, and be extra cautious on the roads. It’s already chaos out there on a good day, but for some reason when folks see a drop of rain they think they’re in Fast and Furious.