It’s Monday morning, we’re back at work for another week, so hell yeah who feels like having their heart ripped out through their throats?
Gumtree is a weird and wonderful treasure trove populated exclusively by people who do not understand the concept of asking prices, and whose haggling skills rank as poor at best (second-hand iPhone 6 listed at $400, you reckon? Is it still available? Would you accept $20 and a kick in the balls?).
However on occasion it throws up something that’s definitely worthy of attention. And oh sweet lord we hope to christ this one has a happy resolution.
An ad, which popped up on the classifieds site about a week ago, is searching for a fishing mate for a good old cobber by the name of Ray Johnstone.
Ray, who posted the ad himself, is reportedly a widowed pensioner whose previous fishing mate is now sadly deceased (oh GOD).
Johnstone, who lives in Lewiston in Adelaide’s north, is a keen land-based fisherman who wants to find someone in a “similar position to myself” (MANNNNN) and is willing to split all costs of the actual fishing; he just doesn’t particularly want to go fishing alone.
The ad, which we don’t need to tell you is bloody heartbreaking, reads as follows:
“My name is Ray Johnstone. Australian. I’m a widowed pensioner who is looking for a fishing mate. My previous mate is now deceased.
I am a land-based fisherman. I have all the gear for all types of fish that is required for land-based fishing.
What I want is a fishing mate in a similar position to myself who also wants someone to go fishing with. I am willing to share all costs, e.g. petrol, bait, and should you happen to own a boat [am] willing to pay all ramp fees, but happy if you are also a land-based fisherman.”
The ad has been viewed some 12,000-odd times already, which hopefully means that Ray is well on his way to finding his new fishing mate.
But on the off-chance you know of someone in the area in a similar position to Ray, or dang it if you just want to take the good bloke fishing yourself, for the love of god hurry on over to the Gumtree ad and hook him up.
Sweet merciful crap, this bit:
HE JUST WANTS TO GO FISHING WITH A MATE, OH GOD. RAY, WE LOVE YOU.