New Study Says Aussie Teens Reckon Booze Is For Boring Adult Nerds

Get this, guys: alcohol is for losers. Nerds. Dweebs. Poindexters. At least that’s what Aussie teens apparently reckon. According to a new study, teenagers in this country are getting on the turps far, far less than generations before them, with only 45 percent of surveyed teenagers saying they’ve knocked the top off a cold froffy.

The study, conducted by Professor John Toumbourou​ of Deakin University, surveyed 41,000 Australian adolescents with an average age of 13.5. That 45 percent figure is a staggering drop from the numbers back in 2000, where 70 percent of surveyed teens said they’d had at least a drop of the sweet, sweet ambrosia known as alcohol.

It’s worth mentioning that the study largely relies on Victorian teens for the survey – meaning that it’s entirely possible that ‘the education state’ is merely breeding a generation of narcs, while the rest of the country’s teens are just getting stuck into the cold ones and having a ripper time of it.

An article in the Sydney Morning Herald announcing the study quotes a couple of kids – and their older relatives – to make the point that teenagers no longer think booze is cool, compared to generations past. It also anecdotally makes the point that the relatively carefree attitude of parents towards their teenaged kids pilfering a few tinnies for a party has tightened in recent years. Sad! My old man let me nick his bevvos for parties when I was a teenager, but they were always Pure Blondes so ultimately who wins? Not me, that’s for sure.

Toumbourou is a leading light in the movement to raise Australia’s legal drinking age to 21, and many of his previous studies have focused on proving that alcohol consumption between the ages of 18 and 21 causes lasting harm to young people. So it’s worth keeping that in mind as he also labours to prove that teenagers don’t even like alcohol to begin with.

But it’s an interesting thought, regardless. What do teens like these days instead of tasty beers? Memes? Troye Sivan? The sweet natural rush of committing a murder? Perhaps we will never know.

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