We will maybe never know what the real Scott Morrison is like. His entire personality is an affectation — he speaks and acts in a patronising pantomime of what he thinks normal Australians are like. If you left him alone in a room, with no one around to see him, he would stare at the wall with the blank, incurious stare of an unplugged robot.
Maybe the closest thing we’ll get to a genuine insight into his personality is this completely innocuous answer to a completely innocuous question on Behind the News:
I was also asked who my favourite super hero was when I was a kid . . . pic.twitter.com/OGvM7r2PMg
— Scott Morrison (@ScottMorrisonMP) August 28, 2019
Aquaman. Goddamn Aquaman. Look, we’re not talking the beautiful, muscular Aquaman portrayed by Jason Momoa in the James Wan movie of the same name that is way more fun than it has any right to be. Morrison specifically references the Aquaman of the 1960s animated series, in which Aquaman’s only real powers were that he was pretty good at swimming and could tell fish what to do. Amazing stuff.
Who describes Aquaman as “very cool”? No one normal, that’s for sure. Maybe he finds Aquaman — a figure characterised by being perpetually damp but otherwise not particularly interesting — relatable. All we know is that, for once, this answer was not focus-grouped in advance.