Private Facebook groups are a wonderfully chaotic place. Whether you’re in one of those Girls Advice groups, the Kmart Pie-Maker group or the Bunnings Hacks group, you’d know how much of a drama-filled shit fight they can be. But one group really takes the cake for me, and that’s apartment complex Facebook groups.
Apartment living is a real test of the ol’ patience gland sometimes, but in exchange for the lack of backyard and personal space, you usually get nice bonuses like a pool, gym, spa and function room for an affordable price. If isolation has taught me anything, it’s that I (the overly-entitled Gen Z baby) really don’t have a lot to complain about.
For context: I live in one of those big apartment blocks that resembles a hotel. There’s a bottle shop and a pizza bar downstairs AND we have free access to a bunch of facilities including a rooftop cinema. Basically, for the dirt-cheap rent I pay, I really have very little to complain about. But the same cannot be said for my neighbours, who quite literally get their knickers in a knot over the slightest inconvenience.
So, since I’ve been bored out of my fucking brains in iso, I have compiled some of the pettiest, weirdest and just most fucked-up posts in my building Facebook group as a little post-iso treat for you all.
All names have been changed for privacy reasons. Obviously.
Let’s start with the post that inspired this entire story. My neighbour, we’ll call her Susan*, is REALLY not a fan of whistling, or your breathy, vibrato tone.
But Susan is a reasonable woman, so we’ll give her some points for offering to compromise with Mr Breathy Vibrato himself.
But Susan, our self-appointed Chief of Whistling, is no match for this guy, who literally complained that the sound of rain was too loud. RAIN. This man called the building manager to complain that the rain was too loud.
This next guy, we’ll call him Paul*, pointed out that the sanitiser in our elevators smells like tequila. He’s not being petty, but this post has had me dreaming of margaritas for weeks now, so he gets an honourable mention.
Meanwhile, Steven* has some rumbling in his brain, which seems like a problem he should talk to a doctor about. Sorry Steve, I don’t know how to fix your brain rumbles.
Next up, we’ve got Darren*. This post seems pretty harmless, but he proceeded to be really petty in the comments, and he just kinda seems like the type of person who hates puppies. Don’t be like Darren.
But let’s not forget Sharon*, who was quick to demand cheaper rent because the economy started to tank. Naturally, the comments consisted of people explaining to her that it doesn’t really work like that. Nice try though, Sharon. I applaud the hustle.
You’re going to want to sit down for this next post. This neighbour, who seems like a nice enough guy, asked his neighbours to turn down their music and was met with a *checks notes* murder threat?!
On a lighter note, people also use this Facebook group as a general forum to discuss non-building related matters, which obviously makes for some great content. Many of my neighbours share their recipes and art, and honestly, it’s pretty darn wholesome.
But this post has absolutely fried my brain and I’m still trying to comprehend this. What… IS… This?! And why do I kinda want to make it?
And to cap it all off, because not *all* of my neighbours are entitled boomers who feel the need to complain about everything, this is my neighbour (who kindly bought me a bottle of whiskey when I got locked out) simply trying to balance out the negative energy.
