America, what the fuck.

Organic ~trendy~ foodstuffs outlet Trader Joe’s has a new summer snack on the market: Puff Dogs. It’s described as “an uncured beef hot dog swaddled in a perfectly flaky-when-cooked puff pastry”, is a great snack to serve at any upcoming 4th of July parties, and, oh yeah, is very obviously a sausage roll with a stupid fucking name.

It’s not like Americans don’t know what a sausage roll is, either. Just two years ago, the New York Times published a 13-step, 26-ingredient recipe for making the snacks. Trader Joe’s cannot claim wilful ignorance here.


Sausage rolls can reportedly be traced back to the 16th Century in England, but they are literally one of the most popular snacks in both the UK and Australia. A whopping 2.5 million of the suckers are sold every week by just one bakery chain in the UK (Greggs), and while stats aren’t actually available for Australia, there’s not a frozen goods aisle in the country not stacked to the brim with the delicious meaty rolls. We bloody hoover the things up. 


Obviously, both Brits and Aussies are goddamn livid that some American company is trying to rebrand a staple of our (admittedly poor) diet.


Right now, the Trader Joe’s website is down, which I’d wager a guess is thanks to literally half the world investigating what other classic snacks they’ve rebranded into something stupid. Honestly though. Really quite excited for their next invention, the ‘Tinkerbell Squares’.

Americans Think They Invented The Sausage Roll & Honestly This Means War

Photo: Trader Joe’s.